I just want to love

BLOG CHANGED.

2010-02-18T15:26:00.003+08:00

I HAVE CHANGED MY BLOG CAUSE I GOT THE HANG OF WORDPRESS (:

PLEASE RELINK ME & STALK ME AT THE OTHER SIDE!

http://notlikethatnotlikethis.wordpress.com/

THANK YOU!

To change or not to change?

2010-02-17T23:41:00.001+08:00

& this is for you, my love. (:

I had awesome fun today. (: Thank you.
I feel like its my birth/wedding/happy day almost everyday!~ (recently)
I mean..its CNY right? so let me enjoy to the fullest. please.

had dinner/watch movie/shopping and finally home on a thursday morning. (:

anyways... IM THINKING OF CHANGING MY BLOG to something else instead of blogger.

ever since I have been reading Joy's blog, I really want a wordpress!
not only that, fidelia have changed it to wordpress too.
I hope when I change to wordpress, people won't suddenly all change too. =X
thats what I'm most afraid of. /: (don't ask me why)

OR i should just use my LJ account that I have already and make do with it.
BUT it beats the purpose cause that blog is FULLY locked.
OR do anyone have a link in which I should use instead? cause i really at least wish I have a semi-locked blog. (: then I don't need to care so much! =D
Thanks in advance! i HOPE I hear some suggestions~!

I have to sleep soon though. I mean I haven study at all other than (The Fucking Bitch) and PCP and PHA which Lisa would all know. (:
I swear I'm an awesome studying partner!~ (study with me tmr, anyone? i need discipline.)

edit:

OKAY, I HAVE DECIDED. i know its retarded but SO? I like. LOL. I'm gonna have two blogs.
the reason being...I want to have locked posts (not for the world to see)...so I WILL have a wordpress.
BUT the skins are so hard to edit...so every time I'm gonna have a locked post, i will post the link right here so you all can click on it and read it. (:
you would have to ask me for the password if you want to read it.
Good thing? My password would be the SAME for ALL posts, so you wont have to keep asking me for it!

I realise I don't need you anymore.
(: are you happy now?
I have given up on hope for the both of us. ^^

I want to love you, just like old days. -dbsk.

2010-02-17T00:25:00.004+08:00

oh dubu...MY DESKTOP (:

okay, fine fml.
i hate being so fucking tired. I can't do anything.
change of plans.
me ish waking up at 5am to do it & trying to force myself to sleep NOWWW.

i hate that when im free, im like.. really free. free to the extend where there's literally NOTHING to do. and when im busy, im like..really busy. busy to the extend where there's literally NO TIME to even breathe! wtf. can't you all just try to balance yourself out! its eating me up alive...

okay. its 12.30am.
i really need to catch these 4.5 hours of sleep seeing that I haven slept for more than one hour in these cny. X|

bye stalkers, i hope you have a lovely time stalking this...tired blog.

i fucking miss you like pooh misses his honey.

2010-02-17T00:00:00.001+08:00

sometimes, its not that you don't care anymore.
Things just happen, and you can't do anything.
As much as there's regrets why that person didn't make it till the end with you,
& you probably never know the reason why,
don't miss the ones who were there all along...

Its finally the 3rd day of CNY,
but all i could really think of is the presentation for tmr... & the upcoming CD exam. ):
I hate feeling like that. absolutely detesting it.

Even though I had utmost fun today,
I kept worrying about it.
I mean we are ALL enjoying CNY,
& I didnt add in the intro slides, the conclusion slides, the reflection slides, and editing the slides that were already done...
I was planning to burn midnight oil and not sleep at all,
but I'm so effing shagg...& if i don't sleep, I wouldnt be able to concentrate on studying for CD tmr. (& i swear to god, i haven even started.) such a horrible feeling. GDI ):
save me someone, please.

so I'm gonna try to do something right now instead of getting distracted over here.
let's hope I get to sleep by 5am with something satisfying.
fml? not yet...

난 당신이 행복하길 바란다,박유천.

2010-02-15T08:46:00.002+08:00

-stabs lisa- (:
I waited 45 minutes for her to get her sleepy buttocks online to send her the ppt & she's nowhere to be seen! o.o
BUT, she's probably just tired, so sweet dreams my dear. -huggles-
p.s.s im so sorry~! I just saw her text. LOL. omg. shouldnt have woken up! T.T ~~this is what happens when you have a sucky phone whose battery goes flat every single hour.~~

Because today's visiting is starting out late...so I actually have time to blog! (:
its like..a gift from heaven! LOL. I still dont understand how anyone can avoid blogging for one day! Actually, I know. Its cause its ME who have no life. HAHA~! oh wells. what to do? (:

I do have to bathe soon though, and see what can I wear on such a beautiful monday~!
talking about that...is anyone's house open for visiting tmr? text meeeeee or twit meeee alrights? i would love to visit/travel/greetings &&& red packets.

ytd was pretty damnnn good. (: [lisa, enjoy yourself alrights! stop...you know! HAHA] I had loads of fun & red packets. But I'm definitely expecting more today!~ even though I'm actually going off late. I am thinking if I should wear .... Oh rights, I can't say here. its too troublesome too anyways. (:

I can't write much cause I don't know what else to say...LOL.

anyways, I hope you all are having just as much fun as i am. (:
happy cny, my lovely stalkers. (:

p.s I forgot. happy valentine's day too! it was awesome!
I hope all of you receive much love , little gifts, notes, texts, roses and whatnot! (:
because I want you to be just as happy as I was when i received them!

for you, ALICE!

2010-02-14T22:48:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday, bby! <3>im gonna ignore the fact that yes, i forgot and needed people to remind me!

I will come back and write a super huge post & edit this when CNY is over~! (:
-huggles-
i love you.

CHU XI!~ 2010

2010-02-13T10:10:00.005+08:00

im finally fully awake ): but i feel so freaking tired!~
supposedly, I woke up at 7 to 8 plus, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open, neither move more than looking at the time.
Another freaking busy day cause its finally reunion dinner o.o
is everyone excited about it too? (:
I am!~ mentally. (im still tired alrights =X)

last night supper was superb~! maybe I am slow, but do you know that there is a 24 hour HONG KONG CAFE near lavender? awesome awesome awesome.
& I got my second ang pow even before CNY have started.
LOL. D's mum passed it to her to pass to me & now smiley's parents passed it to him to pass to me! WHAT IS THIS? guilty bribe!
but it makes me so freaking happy to receive it~!
Maybe by next year, we won't go friends house hopping anymore, & the children would just pass to each other. XD (but then the tradition~! so NO NO NO.) I would still go to their houses to thank their parents (: so no worries! I'm a traditional girl!

I love all the plants I bought ytd, i always loved going to a nursery and choose flowers to buy!
Without fail, I have been doing it with my family since I was young (=
I can't believe we came home so late too! we left the house at around 12am...and came back at like 2am! its cool~! (:

I have a confession to make. I didn't pack my room T.T I was just...hmmm, busy you know.
& my room is kinda neat other than the computer table. (LISA, I NEED YOU!) XD and then there's the headache of what to wear on the first day and so on... cause im already tempted to wear new clothes today! o.o but i dont even think I have enough -.-

I would need to get out of the house soon to be doing errands (:
FAMILY REUNION LUNCH first though~!
then I'll head off to my grandmother house for FAMILY REUNION DINNER. XD
now, just thinking about it...i really can't resist.
I'll be back to blog though~! definitely~! (:

I wont be sending happy new year texts this year!~ so sorry!
but hey~! Thanks for sending it to me (:
I appreciate it!~

p.s ILYT, SM! (: hwaiting~!
i will crash if you let me in (=

it's literally 2.30am now! (=

2010-02-13T02:20:00.003+08:00

i'm finally back home at 2.10am!
& my nehneh com went into hibernation mode and signed me out from msn~!
so sorry~! X(

Went to eat supper with smiley at first,
then i came back home to join my family to go nursery to buy plants (=
I'm so tired, my eyes are all droopy on me~!
I just wanted to have a short blog because I'm actually still awake at 2.23am~!
I mean these few days I've been so tired, I slept at 1am almost everyday.
& i finally sleep later than 1 today! (: i don't even know why I'm so hyped up about it!
i'll be back to blog tmr~! & edit this post again (:

sleep soon, you owl stalkers!♥

Nick Vujicic (:

2010-02-12T20:15:00.001+08:00

This post is absolutely random and pointless.
I just thought I wanted to put down what I'm thinking and feeling out before I forget a lesson learnt.

I was bloghopping people's journals that I don't even know.
& almost everyone seems either really depressed or simply meaningless.
& i look back at mine and wonder...if mine was the same.
to a larger extent, yes. But I def have happy moments too. (: so its not that bad.
But sometimes i wish i could be friends with them, you know.
Have HTHTs, & maybe life wouldn't be as depressing as it sounds to be.

I wish to change peoples' life or even one is good enough.
I want to "save" someone. I want to make an impact in life.
I want to have someone who would need me in theirs.

so far, only two persons are able to make me cry by simply looking at a picture,
& that would be Micky Park Yoochun & Jesus.
I don't want go preaching why about the two of them so yeah.
I'm not surprise if the next person would be Nick Vujicic though.
I guess its just really...I don't know. I'm pretty lost myself.
I've ALWAYS been sentimental. Sensitive. I don't know man.
& people wonder why i just cry all the time...I don't know. I just do.
I wish I had an answer too.

I believe there are situations in my life which I have learnt more than I think I did.
Deaths would make the biggest impact in me.
Two of my closest friends passed away.
& I learnt a lot through the experience of being there and watching them go.
It wasn't pleasant. But I knew they needed to leave.

What really made me make this post was watching the same video Lavina showed me today about Nick Vujicic. Youtube have a lot more on him, so I watched a few more.
& you know how you see or watch or read something that is so inspirational, but forget the moment you turn away? Yeah, we all have those moments.
I don't know if this would be another fleeting moment where I feel life is so much more than what I have now...but I want to remember the moment I did.

(: okay im done for the day.
peace out, stalkers!

Have I ever told you that my love is big enough for the both of us? Because it is. (:

2010-02-12T15:15:00.002+08:00

As long as you're not happy, you're losing time.

-----
I'm feeling rather joyous today (:
Maybe cause CNY is coming? I can't wait for reunion dinner tmr!~

I've already started planning whose friends' house I would be crashing over~
It would be so much fun, just like every year!
& this year...there's more houses to go I guess~ (:
I'll talk about CNY as the days go by if I have time to!

You've forgot what I've said.
You've forgot what you promise.
You would regret never taking the step...
when I come to realize that I don't need you in my life.
& you know what?
I'm already feeling that maybe I really just don't need you in my life...at all.

---------

I guess I don't have to say much about this above picture.
You get the drift right? (:
so yeah~! go for whatever it is you need/want/desire.
you're gonna lose out by the time you feel that you're ready...

I mean...its not me telling you to go for it,
cause you'll probably say you're not prepared to...
so go for it when you are (:
just don't regret that you started out late.

I'm suppose to be packing my room. But my eyes hurt. ): & i think I'mma catch a nap soon or something before I officially start? let's just hope it won't be too late by the time I wake up! ^^

--------

& i know everyone feels awesomely great upon receiving random messages which reads "I miss you" or sweet nothings.
To me, "I miss you" is good enough. (:
or simply saying..."I'm thinking of you."
I mean, its good enough even receiving a text right? I'm easily contented! HAHAHA.
awww. look at your faces, you're thinking about that SOMEONE texting it to you right? XD

I love you, oppa. (=
^^
who can resist his smile? definitely not me.

anyways, love you stalkers~!
& I hope all of you have an amazing chinese new year this year!
Would anticipate hearing all the CNY aftermath!~

you're always my favourite song.

2010-02-11T20:37:00.001+08:00

I took the courage to listen to you sing the song you composed, to watch every detail, to listen earnestly.
the song which was etched deeply...in my heart.
There's isn't much news about you anymore.
While listening to the song, i wonder where you were, what you were doing...
I miss you so fucking much, i can't even deny.
Just know, someone out there, really loves you.
I didn't forget to keep the faith eternally.

----------

Chinese new year is coming.
I don't know what is this feelìng I'm having about it.
its not happiness. its not sadness either.
its just blah...
I guess I have forgotten what the actual reason CNY is about, other than new clothes...

but there's something I'm anticipating.
its the reunion dinner = lo hei.
I don't know if its something happy about...
I guess I'm pretty much just anticipating it...nothing else.

I'm probably going house hopping on wednesday and thursdays. (:
I can't wait to see everyone~ its been so effing long.
ifuckingmissyoutoo,buti'llneversayitoutloud.

-------------

A trip back to the science centre.
was playing at the water maze and my feet got soaked entirely! T.T
disgustingly wet~! but hella fun~!

& no, not self obsessing! but omg. my hair looks kinda good from this angle T.T ( i think )

yay~! For group photo!

& cheers to our group for being supportive of one another & finally getting the day done (:

came my house to rush our entire project /:
but didn't manage to finish as fast as we thought we could =X
BUT~ everyone got to see duburang♥!
which is a plus point!~

-----------

went out today to do my LAST last minute shopping!
& the best thing I bought today was this amazing shorts I got from F21 (=
& Idol MerchandiseS.
I'm so desperate for SHINee posters you know!~ ARGH.
tomorrow is FINALLY the last day of school! ( in a way )
Can't wait for my weekends and celebration!

I haven clean my room yet /:
which is arghh~! no new bedsheets and general items yet! o.o
Hopefully, if I don't have anything on tmr....
I would be cleaning up my entire room! ( I think... )

OHOH, I got my FIRST red packet before CNY even started! LOL.
Thank you D-MUMMY (=
i'm so freaking touched and happy!
HEEHEE~~ ^^

-------

Don't let go if you don't want to,
nobody can make you to.
hold your head up high.
you know its your decision and consequences you need to bear.
(:

sick. sick. sick. sick & so fucking exhausted.

2010-02-10T23:52:00.003+08:00

hate having a stuffed nose.
hate having a burning throat.
hate being sick.

-cuddle with duburang♥-
night all you stalkers.

꿈과 희망을

2010-02-10T09:23:00.002+08:00

its gonna be hard, but its definitely worth a try. (:

& the bucket full of gold dust spills.

2010-02-10T09:21:00.002+08:00

& when you think you've given up,
there are people who would manage to pull you back,
with a contagious smile.

Transparent.

2010-02-10T09:10:00.002+08:00

& like god in legion who have given up on mankind,
I have given up on the world.

Imagine.

2010-02-09T21:51:00.003+08:00

with me coughing like that,
i'll be better off dead.
I probably won't be missed.
but the truth is, I wouldn't miss myself either.
~~

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

I have given up all hopes, just for you.

2010-02-09T17:19:00.006+08:00

sighs. my hair is so black. i think it really hard for the colour to get on my head. & I finally understand my hair dresser's difficulty in my hair.
Without my higlighted hair right...My hair would probably be black which is damn sad.
I was actually really over the moon when I was dying it. But now, after inspecting it and all... I'm rather disappointed. cause the colour actually only went up onto my higlighted blond areas. Without it, my hair would just be black -.-
I was even gonna be self-obsessed and all, but figure out...I wouldn't.

But i LOVEEEE Joy's hair. its amazing, almost as if its Taemin's hair. (:
as for Lisa, LOL. KAI XIN JIU HAO! I hope your mama would love it!
Her hair is nice, but its not something I would do to my hair? Not really sure /:
Okay, don't want to dwell so much about the hair when I'm disappointed with my own.
its orange by the way, if all you curious people want to know.
let's see if it would change colour tmr when I bathe. (:

-----------

Today was machiam funny with Lisa and Sijia.
I hope they two blog about it... because I'm so tired to type about it!
Let's just say, we would do anything for Pillows (food) HAHA!

Skipped CAYC.
damn it, i feel so shitty about it? okay, maybe not.
but literally half the journey in the bus, i was like "i feel like going back to school."
oh wells. obviously, I didn't. (:

Don't know if I'm gonna meet smiley later.
dang dang dang dang~!
I'm so into Taemin's "BYEBYE!", i think I'mma go mad soon.
oh wells. I'm actually kinda still in a happy mood for dunno what reason.

honestly, I'm getting cough again and its horrible.
its always coming at the wrong time! T.T
& I keeping tearing & tearing and tearing...
my throat is hurting like fuck. ):
let me die, please. -.- I rather drop dead than to suffer and die.

have you ever have the feeling that someone is your knight in shining armour in your fairytale even when it have not even start?

Looking Away~

2010-02-09T09:13:00.001+08:00

so sit back and relax.
don't go fussing over it cause it'll still happen anyways.

MONDAY:

this is fucking bad. so fucking bad. I'm so affected by the damn thing.
i'm sorry I ever thought I could find comfort in you.
im just fucking cranky fucking cranky.
its my fault. I'm really sorry.

simply thinking that I have to go to school later just gives me shitload of crapp.
& i absolutely fucking hate this.
I don't know what is wrong with me today. i'm just all shitted up.
& I know its not cause of school or you or whatever.
its just that my confidence is running low, & i wanted to leave with pride.

was watching hello baby & fidelia asked me to focus on the sidebar.
fuck those people luh.
can't they just patiently for the subs to be out?
now, they are gonna change stuff and I might not even be able to watch it anymore.
FUCK YOU MAN.
its your lost for annoying me on my fucked up day.
arghhhhhhhhhhhh~!

Another thing is, im damn pissed off with my freaking maid for making everything so messy in my room!
& fucking touching duburang all the time.
GTH LUH. he's not for YOU to touch man!
you're so incorrigible!
I mean thank you for cleaning up my room and everything, i earnestly appreciate it.
but NOBODY touches duburang.
& stop moving things around my room! there is a reason why its there not here!
At least have the decency to ask me permission when i tell you ALOT of times do not move my things around. what makes me really pissed is because you keep doing the things that i told you not too. & I definitely say it more than once! ARGH.

------

I need let something out, but just know its my problem and i'm not saying to a particular person.

you are just like her, what she used to be.
I hated that I initiated,
because if I didn't it wouldn't turn out like that,
& I hate it, absolutely despised it.
Cause it wasn't like that in the first place.
But I can't blame you, cause it isn't your fault.
I could have prevented it, but I didn't.
Yet, it doesnt really matter anymore.
Cause I have finally decided to let go,
& i believe its the best decision I've made for the situation.

---------

sighhs. okay, finally got it off my chest (=
Oh, another thing, I have decided to leave my fandom of fics!
I know I'm regretting every single second of it,
but I know I need it~ It affects me to the core, & i hate who I've become.
so... yeaup! =X
I have more time to myself~!
honestly, I doubt I would ever sink so deep again.
~~i dont know man, writing have always been in my blood~~

what made me calm down, smile and shifted my attention was naemai! argh!
love her ttm. I wonder if she knows.
i'm finally feeling all better with rainbows, ice creams and lollipops.
What am I going to do without you? ):
sighhs. sighhs sighhs. I wish she wasn't so private. =X
-huggles & never gonna let go-
she's my ONLY pillar of strength & happiness. sighhs.

bb, hwaiting~! you're doing extremely well on your own already!

----------

TUESDAY:

got through monday blues with JOY (:
HAHA. Its another brand new day~!
SMILEE.

I woke up at 8.39am thinking that I was freaking late for class!
Obviously, I wasn't. I had a dream. A rather horrible one,
But I don't wanna talk about it. I just can't believe I had that dream. oh wells. (:

I have to prepare for school soon, seeing that its 9.15am.
which means I have about one hour more.
I spent 10 minutes typing the previous sentence. LOL.
I'm starting to space out man.

I was listening to doushitte, & i figured...I need this.
I need to let it all out.
So what if I cry all the time for sentimental movies or videos?
I've forgotten to cry for myself...
& you don't know how it feels like not being able to cry when you need it,
but cry when you don't want to.

But i'm happy. I know I am. (:

can you figure out who is who is dbsk? (:
-huggles- imysfm.

I don't know if i'll be back to edit~!
but I'm glad I manage to blog now~!
its so therapeutic. =D

MUMMY. HAPPY BDAY! (:

2010-02-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

omg. I was reading my post for ytd, & it was seriously horrible to read. I couldn't believe it was me who typed all of it. I couldn't even understand half of what was being typed. horrible horrible. Not only is my chinese atrocious, so is my english! but thats not impt. (: What's impt is...I finally uploaded this picture which is below this paragraph! Check it out!

I'm not mean~! I swear. I don't know if you can see clearly, but do you see the old lady at your right?
her hair is AMAZING!~
The sun was shining, so there's reflection, but I couldn't be too obvious you see.
She was interesting to look at! Even Sijia, Shimin and I can't remember who le...but got two more people knew about it and were laughing also okay!
I hope I don't get sued. =X
if you know her, I'm sorry. I just really think she's kinda cool, you know...

is this awesome or what? =D

I don't have a jae nor yunho birthday post because I would do it as a couple like YUNJAE post.
okay, I suck.
because this time round, I really really don't have the time,
& absolutely exhausted to do.

But happy belated to the both of them.
because they know i still love them alot alot alot. (:
I just wish they could continue giving birthday surprises to each other /:

When they were still five as one, they always gave yoochun birthday surprises! & it was amazing to watch, & as usual, yoochunnie always seem to cry! hahah!~ & junsu too! They gave him a surprise too! I still remember the ring JAE gave to Yoochun for his birthday. Awesome! & the ring Junsu gave to Yoochun! Awesome! & the ring Ricky gave to Yoochun! Awesome. (:

I'm getting carried away. LOL. I'm suppose to be focusing on YUNJAE birthday.
well, I hope...they still do love each other and hope they come to a solution for dbsk. (:
I'm keeping the faith!~

========

its mummy birthday today though~!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! (=
So we celebrated it with watching movie and a dinner as a family!
My older brother paid for our dinner as a bday present for mum,
well me and sis bought a really really awesome cake for her!
& dad paid for the movie tickets! LOL!

I love you, mum.
always did, always will.
-huggles-

edited:
I WENT TO WATCH LEGION! it was fucking amazing and I don't care what you say.
honestly, like no offence, but the only reason why you wouldn't like the movie would be because you DO NOT get the movie. but im telling you it was amazing. how i explain. its not the graphic or whatever, but the storyline. My parents didn't get it though. Only my siblings and I. But I think it was worth watching! i mean it got a bit draggy at some point...but it was definitely awesome. (: Everyone should go watch it. But you kinda need background information about whats an arch angel and like know who is GOD.

its a battle between what is right and keeping the faith, and whats wrong and giving up.

I went to eat dinner at MANHATTAN Fish Market.
it was amazing because they were playing KPOP music throughout!
& it was enjoyable simply being there! =D
the one I went to was located at Bishan (:
I took a picture of what I ate. But im lazy to upload. would soon though!

========

.to-die-for.
practically worth it.

the clock doesnt have to stop.

2010-02-06T13:31:00.002+08:00

^^ ily isn't just words. (L)

HEAR ME SCREAMMMMMMM~

i'm finally done with ALL MY EFFED UP ASSIGNMENTS AT 1.32pm, 6th feb, 2010!

I know I'm really slow, but i don't give a damn!

At least I am done! & thats good enough.

i think it was done really horribly too. sighhs.

I'm just not in the mood do it, it was more like I have to do it because I need to pass it up, not because I loved doing it. Actually I do, its the fucked up reference that drove me up the wall and thats when I decide to just give up =X

I'm was working on my last fic which is already reaching 3000 words but I'm still not finished with it. Sometimes, i think its to vague and I wonder if people get what I'm really trying to convey and feel it within them /: oh wells. My previous fic was kinda abstract and I had lesser readers cause they didn't really understand what it meant -.- so i'm like... sighs. but I know if I posted in a dbsk comm, they would definitely get it. I don't mean anything. proud or thinkin i'm better than the others, its just that in SHINee comm, everyone's so young. o.o everyone's like younger than me. & its kinda hard to reach out to them.

hi onkey, you're featured in my angsty mind. (:

Went to tpy to meet SJ to print out my essay stuff and her pictures.

daylight robbery ): I spent 5 dollars on 15 paper. wtf. ): it could've been 1.50 only ):

After which, look around abit...then headed home in 142.

its been so long man. last time IJ still got occasionally sit 142.

after that, there wasn't a chance for me already.

went out with sis, brother and his friend to shopp.

I was home just in time to catch them. Wasn't suppose to.

oh wells, so decided to join them (:

after which, left to go my auntie's house at 7pm.

I was kinda pissed because we were so damn late.

but we didnt go with out parents. so yeah.

my brother and sister never have time management.

bro's friend sent us though. (: thanks.

& its finally home sweet home at 10pm.

i'm getting distracted... this post have been here since 1pm.

I have not even off my com because I was lazy.

today was the kind of days that I don't feel depressed at all (:

how can you resist beautiful?

im just really happy today (:

RML

2010-02-05T09:14:00.004+08:00

& I realise I didn't come back to blog on wednesday. (:
well, its only because I woke up at 7.55am today, thats why I have so much time to blog now!
I still have about an hour and more before I get out of my house...
so I should just blog...to pass time.

for once, I'm stuck as to what I should be blogging.
I think I have pictures to post up. -runs to phone-
This is for rml. (:

(: This is what you get when we get paired up.
cam whoring!

I can't believe my phone manage to capture this beautiful picture.
I failed quite a few attempts & finally got what I wanted.
I think this picture is a success and am absolutely proud of myself XD
seeing that my phone is a disgusting 3.2 megapixel cam.
-----

its finally 9.30am. (:
but it simply means that I still have an hour more.

so i'm finally done with my hiatus fic.
I put in quite a bit of an effort into it. (:
i got kinda lethargic and bored with it and wrote rubbish towards the end.
& i still think its meaningless and hollow o.o
& definitely not sad enough ):

my eyes are suddenly drooping on me again.
damn it. where is my starbucks when I need it!
I'm gonna go starbucks today! ANYONE?
text me text me! (:

once upon a time, I didn't know.

2010-02-03T10:09:00.001+08:00

& how your fingers fit perfectly when you ruffled my hair and said "see you"
because you have your theory of not saying "byebye".
& I'm glad.

I'm up early at 8.08am in the morning.
thanks to my sister once AGAIN for disrupting my sleep.
Thank you very much.
I hate that I'm a light sleeper.
I hate that she have to take my clothes early in the damn morning.
I hate I even have clothes for a second. LOL.

Sis asked me if I wanted to go school at 8.45am because she's driving.
I'll be an idiot at the bus stop for two hours wearing whatever I would be wearing and staring into space.
honestly, no thanks. /: even though it was a really really tempting offer.
I really need some company.

I hate being alone and suddenly people on msn ask "are you okay?"
& den suddenly, I feel a little hollow inside.
Maybe its always been there, its just the question trigger me to notice it.
& then I tune back into me being a depressing kid. HAHA.
oh wells, hate thinking hate thinking.

& no, im not blaming the person who ask me, cause it simply show they care (:
& I love them for it!♥

I need to rush home today to do my goodie bag and rush out at least one evaluation already.
I can't afford to drag it anymore. so yeah. (:
hopefully, I'll do it when I really do reach home or maybe catch some sleep first!
would definitely come blogging later again! ciao!

♥

let nature takes it course.

2010-02-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

i can't wait for the weekends so that duburang♥ can finally sleep with me.
& I have to rush out my evaluation too. OMG. kill me.
someone really have to push me in the weekends man. sighs.
some discipline.

went to finally buy goodies for my children.
my sister says im crazy cause its too much.
oh wells. I bought breakfast for tmr. (:
GOLD FLAKES!♥
so proud of myself. I can't wait to munch on it.

I'll be borrowing raise my voice louder from D too!
& finally getting my album tmr! (=
I still don't know if it was worthwhile. but who cares.
I already spent the money and I have absolutely no choice but to have it.

Sighs, im really running out of money man.
I can't afford living. LOL.
I should just kill myself or something (:

i saw this a few days ago, but was too lazy to upload it.
& now i'm still lazy to upload it onto my own photobucket. /:
but i simply couldnt resist.

two reasons why i love this and why it made me the happiest girl on earth.

1, its onkey! yes. finally.
2, onew bb is wearing a mickey mouse shirt!~
(=
i feel bad I hotlink this picture. but omfg. im too lazy.
but i made sure no one can hotlink from my website (: so yay to that.

my field supervisor have high expectations man.
she's killing me. ):
oh wells, I want to do my best too though.
okay, this is all i'm gonna blog about bah.
i'm too lethargic already.

I have been sleeping really early these few days.
but its good.
the earlier I sleep. the better it is.
prevents me from thinking too much anyways. (:

nights everyone.
i sincerely hope today was a good day for you.

anyways, I just hope everything bad goes away.
I hope everything is at least fine.
I just wanna keep to myself from now on. (:

you just don't know anymore

2010-02-02T09:16:00.005+08:00

sometimes when you think you have good intentions for another person,
they don't realise it.
& you ask yourself why you do it,
& you had no answer in hand,
& you think...yes, you're in the wrong, cause you don't have a valid answer to it at all.

your supposedly good intentions turn to dust, & you see the devil standing at the corner laughing at you.
oh, how you wish something good happens.
something did happen though...but you wonder if it'll be the same.
& you think...no, it'll never be the same.

& the moon starts lighting up your dull room,
you could only say sorry, because you really didnt mean it.
& you say thank you with earnest cause you really are grateful.
but that regret and guilt is eating you up.
& you think...its gonna be hard.

reality was never good to know,
& you just keep searching for the answers you'll never find.
the thought of getting knocked down by a car surfaced,
or simply even commit suicide was part of it.
& this is what remorse, guilt, & regrets feel like.

but you're thankful. really thankful.
grateful. and feeling really filled up with relief.
& you know, you just can't make the same mistake again.
you promise yourself you just won't cause you simply can't afford it.

it was your mistake, & you just have to toughen yourself.
you have no choice.
& you don't know if this is gonna be pretense.
you just have to deal with it.
you just hope, at least it'll last.

fuckingmouthdeservestobestiched.

2010-02-01T20:46:00.003+08:00

fuck me. fuck my life. fuck this shit. its my fucking fault.
& I should just drown myself. im sorry. really so damn sorry.
im really filled with extreme remorse.
but thank you.
thank you so much.

dark. black. tunnel.

2010-01-31T22:22:00.000+08:00

FINALLY RML

2010-01-30T14:40:00.005+08:00

to me, there's no such thing as courage or bravery/coward or chicken.
its how much you need to get or say something.

if you dont have the so-called courage or bravery that you call,
then think again, maybe there is just simply a no need for whatever it is.
cause its obvious you're not desperate enough to do something about it cause of your so called cowardice.

but i understand. I understand your side of the story. i just don't agree. (:
& no, =.= this is in general.
I was talking to my friend about courage & I was saying my piece on it. so yeah!

--------

FATSSS.

I must be really excited because I've been thinking of packing my bag since morning.
I just haven start yet.

Bringing shoes for xingfen later.
damn it. I have to bring those shoes to shinee fan meet too, I just realise. AHHA.
oh wells, its okay (:
I'll try to stuff it in my bag or something.

change of plans.
not meeting my sister, but i'm having a make-up dance lesson later with smiley ^^.
hopefully, maybe I can meet lisa later.
got to text her later on.
would be finishing my project today at school later on.
my sister would most probably be picking me up (=
yay to that!

I got scolded for not having my dosage of lollipop.
its not my fault!
why am I even getting scolded for it. =X
i probably buy it during the holidays /:
people say I get cranky and lollipop helps me. (=
to shut me up, a lollipop would be good.
when I was a baby, a pacifier was good too. HAHA.

people keep asking whats my favourite candy. its not lollipop actually, its cause its cheaper.
my very very very favourite candy would be Maltesers. Its chocolate though,. but its still candy.
its the best thing that happen on earth (:
usually, I get it only when I feel rich.
& no, its not THAT expensive. I just...its special when someone gives instead of buying it yourself.
esp when you love it so much. (:
so yeah. Maltesers it is! heehee. I think its the first time im admiting i do eat chocolates!

-------

okay, I needa go soon!
& i will miss you duburang~! I'll be back before you know it.

I will be twitting I guess.
byebye (:

another busy weekend.

2010-01-30T09:39:00.005+08:00

so something make me smile alot when I woke up today. (:
& its a good start for a sat!
its been so long, since I woke up on my own body system and get to slack & be on the computer all day long!

all my mind can think about right now is RML.
I don't even know why I'm so hyped up about it! haha~!
maybe cause there's a certain person that I'm anticipating. LOL.
actually, there was something else.
but its not gonna happen anymore, so yeah (:
moving on...to the next topic.

sighhs, sis just came into my room & I don't wanna turn her down anymore,
so I'll probably go meet her afterwards to go shopping.
when she's done with her whatever...
I kinda feel I won't buy anything and probably just help her carry her bags as usual. oh wells.
let's hope everything runs smoothly. (:

honestly, I doubt anything can bring me down, at least for now,
probably just... minor shit that I actually give a damn.
Honestly, these few days, I have really cut down on a lot of things that I actually bother.

one, because its TMTH. like I'll probably care, but its futile. so I don't bother.
two, its just so freaking obvious that I can't be bothered.
three, you don't matter anymore? you can try all kinds of tricks and shit to make me care, but as long as im not part of it, i don't really care, you can get on with your life without me inside, and i'll get on with my life without you inside (:
four, I'm probably just lazy you know.
five, I probably have better things to think/care/bother about.

i probably wouldn't. but i wont say dancing is my life either. its just an interest I don't want to ditch (:

LISA~! Let's go dancing soon! HAHA.
omo. I'll be going for my last one soon.
let's hope I won't miss it XD
because good things happen when you are dancing. (:

me needs to lose weight!
anyone can give me ideas on some FREE slimming ideas?
HAHA~
I'm running out of time ):
By this year, I must definitely lose 20 kg. =X
it'll never happen, but i can dream!

does it break your heart to see me cry?

if it would, tell me (:
so i'll know who you are.

my air-con is leaking again.
its bad ):
& my desktop is getting affected man.
what if the wires suddenly explode on me?
LOL. okay, am i thinking too much?
I DOUBT.♥

oh wells. I think this post is long enough to last till sunday?
i'll probably be back to write before I leave for RML.
i'm mentally and physically exhausted today!
let's hope I won't faint during rml.
I think i'm gonna be sick again soon. =X

before i go,

Thank you god so much, for everything.
for dreams turning into reality.
for anticipation turning into happiness.
for mute turning into voice.
for everything that happen in this week.
it just makes me really happy. Thank you.
you know this isn't enough, & i'm more grateful than this.
I love you so much.♥

RML?

2010-01-30T01:59:00.004+08:00

I'm kinda disappointed.
ah. can't be bothered. I realise, i don't even care. it isn't really my place to say or feel anything anyways.
so proud of myself!

pretty excited for RML. (:
oh wells.
i have nothing to talk about.
& no, not gonna talk about today in blog.
no reason to.

sorry for short post today.
okays, me shall go sleep now.
see you.♥

I wanted to sleep next to you and whisper how much I really like you.
but you lost the chance.
& I don't look back, so I'm sorry it had to end this way.
I'm moving on.
cause all it takes is one chance, & thats all I'm giving.

Where Does It End?

2010-01-29T08:48:00.005+08:00

I woke with emptiness.
I don't know if its a good thing,
but i'm already anticipating for the worst.
I never really thought much,
but I wonder what I would do or even feel if I didn't get to see you.
relating to the picture...,
i DO bother to give up on you.
i NEED to see you...please be there for me to capture even if its only for a second.

this experience reminded me of the time i was suppose to be at bkk looking at dbsk.
i was suppose to be there.
& i have never cry so much before when I knew I couldn't be on that airplane.
I don't want to feel like this ever again. I did not give up hope.
I just decided that miracles only happen when the doors of reality open.
& to many, maybe even to god, THIS is not reality.
& I can't fight my rights for this anymore...because its a losing battle.
somewhere, im still praying, always keeping the faith.

-------

as much as that wasn't such a happy paragraph...I feeling really good at the same time right now. Maybe cause the reality f my implementation have hit me (: & I'm just really happy. I have this bubbling feeling in me, i don't know why. I know there's something more than just implementation...

How do you feel when you receive a text when you wake up? not just from anybody...but somebody who says the best kind of things? I used to have it. & loved every single minute of it. But I guess, I didnt treasure, neither hold tight enough...I don't wish for time to turn back, i just hope in the future, you'll realise i'm waiting...

I should be getting ready to get out,
but i refuse to move at all ):
I think I know what's pulling me back,
but ughh. please tell me something positive today.
I'll need it really bad.

I was reading a jongyu fic last night,
& it was so freaking heartbreaking.
But I didn't cry...maybe cause it isn't the first time i'm reading it.
I can't remember if i DID cry when I read it the 1st time, but yeah.

argh, im starting to hate my post already.
hopefully, i'll be back with good news and a better throat. (:

2010-01-28T21:39:00.004+08:00

im so indecisive about my previous post that I keep coming to edit it -.- & my latest editing is at 9.39pm. XD

i guess it sounded so serious and heavy, & that was not my purpose of it /:
so yeah...

oh wells.

I was thinking alot.

& i figure...I do love my life a lot.

& poly. poly's gonna be a phase in my life which would be a huge lesson learnt.

so i'm gonna try my best to live it to the fullest. (:

& as for people who play a part in it.

I love you.

let's fight it out together?

p.s dbsk taught me this. & i want to live up to it.

p.s.s I realise i can't please everyone. so if you can't, don't accept me.

FEELINGS OF... the heart.♥

2010-01-28T17:41:00.027+08:00

WARNING: LONG & SENSELESS POST

I believe in miracles~!♥
my voice came back to me today morning. (:
& I was able to do my implementation today! FTW!♥
I don't know how or what made it come back,
but thank you for all the things you people did to try to make it better,
or simply text to ask how I was.
Being happy would definitely help the healing process.♥

someone's talking to me,
note to self: don't be annoyed, don't be annoyed, don't be annoyed
go away. go away. go away.
damn it, shit. urghh.

SJ played wedding dress on the keyboard today,
& it was lovely. beautiful actually.
& i fell in love with it again.
The music video was so freaking sad ):
Everyone should go check it out.
Taeyang's really talented. (: ♥
btw, don't be pissed. HAHA. we still have a longggg way to go man.
2 years and still counting!

Maybe XY was right,
I need to have a talk with you again!
hurry come online man!
I think imma burst soon -.-
argh ughh.

i know your motive behind it,
but i'm not gonna say it.
i'm just gonna say...pathetic.
its strong, its hurtful.
but what do you expect from the truth?

Thanks to Joy for not wanting her chocolate ytd,
im enjoying FOUR Godiva chocolates now! XD
i'm such a pig! =X i could never spend money on such chocolate for myself! T.T

regardless, I'm a happy girl this week.
firstly, my brother! he actually bought clothes for me from his trip!
I can't believe it man! Thank you! ♥

secondly, because of joy! she's hilarious man!
Its awesome being with her (: let's go kpop crazy and maybe even more!
KOREAN TRIP is so ON.

thirdly, because of you two! HAHA!
its been what? years since I've know you guys.
& thank you for being my ultimate support these few days.

fourthly, xf & vinlee for being so nice to me. LOL.
& asking me how I am throughout...and all the shit. heehee.
I KNOW YOU TWO ARE SURPRISE YOUR NAMES ARE HERE.
but really really ♥ you guys. (:

fifthly, I've got duburang~!♥
which is my ultimate happiness right now.

sixthly, having essential Waitrose is extreme ♥.
everyone should try it. I think I'm in love.
HAHAHA. oh wait, its healthy so not many people might like it. /:
it take time to like it, i hated it at first taste.

& three other things that will remain unspoken of. (:

i want to apologize for something. I rarely feel like I'm in the wrong...unless (this is what i'm apologising for) I say things out of anger, or when i'm just so freaking pissed at you, I just keep saying things that don't mean as much as they should. cause you know and i know that things said in anger do have TRUTH in them. im apologising for not saying it earlier, or more properly and it had to come out in such an ugly way.I'm probably an extremely straight-forward person. DO NOT MISTAKE IT AS ME BEING MEAN.

its just gets on my nerves when you're not mature enough to know I'm saying things for your own good and keep thinking i'm simply plain mean or something. I mean I'm not a perfect person, I definitely have more flaws than the stars in the sky, but this is my evaluation of my own personality on this aspect. Its only human nature to make mistakes, and fuck you for all thinking I'm some kind of saint or robot, cause im NOT.

I have a love-hate personality that is hard to figure out, but i'm truthful when i say that i can be nice. I have sensitivity which I didn't ask for. Its whether I acknowledge it or not, and i do. MOST ALL OF THE TIMES 99.9%.

I have self-conscience, I know whats right and wrong. i don't hold grudges, but i'll be on my guard. believe me when i say i AM vulnerable, cause this I can't even deny. i probably notice the tiniest things that people overlook. My friends would probably know this already.

I tend to be comfortable and open to people VERY FAST, which IS a BAD thing. But in a way, i'm grateful I have this gift.

& in a honest opinion, anger always overtakes sensitivity. I'll probably feel motherfucking shitty after saying it, but it doesnt change the fact I said it. I won't take it back, & its up to you for you to realise I really love you. i will apologise, but not cause i didnt mean it, but cause i could have done it better in a gentle and tactful manner.

honestly, the people I love the most, are the people who i can simply say FUCK YOU and they understand that I don't mean anything bad/mean. Its like in replacement for, i don't like it, but i still love you. or simply say the stupidest thing like rainbows are unique and they understand that such a simple statement means more than just the words. & the people which would listen to me even if they have no interest in what i'm saying and actually joining in in the end. I love people who ultimately love me for who I am and tolerate my flaws, because I'm sure I will do the same for you, because I feel. & I feel the acceptance and love you give me. ( dont fucking say just cause i use these kinda language, I have no proper upbringing. leave my family issues out of it, or im crude. you're just a fucking baby princess. i don't say anything about you nor your upbringing so fuck out of mine. you have your morals or principles and i have mine. there is NO right or wrong. )

i just want to say thank you & i truely love you guys who are truely being my friend.
& i can't get any happier simply knowing you do.

ABOUT TMR

I know everyone thinks that SHINee coming tmr is gonna have a HUGE impact on me. its not going to have a huge impact on me. at all. its not even an impact. its something that I simply can't think of words to explain nor describe now.

honestly, nobody will understand what it means. its not like im a fan, going gaga over an idol. i'm not going there as a fan. its not. I want to be a faceless fan. I want to be remembered for being a person. not a supporter. I'll probably stand on the sidelines supporting. ( this part is already confusing for you all ) I don't want to be recognise because I went there to see them.

I might be like a crazy fangirl(im not), screaming at times when people say the name shinee or something. But do you know the meaning behind those screams? I posted before. Its like for dbsk. i'm not adoring, worshipping or supporting them. it means much more then them being cute/handsome or whatever shit. its not just their voice. its not just of any of their fame or what not. Its simply because its them. Its simply when I see them, I probably won't even move an inch, I wouldn't even scream (of joy), I'll just look and memorize every inch. but who knows, i have never experience it so yeah.

its hard to explain fully, cause you probably already don't understand and interpret it the wrong way. so I'm gonna leave it as what it is now. or you're impression of this would go down the drain.

currently, im more vexed and confused then simply being excited or happy for tmr's event. honestly, when I see them tmr, I probably won't even talk about it in school or whatever.
Some things are meant to be felt and treasured. Not broadcast it or getting retardedly excited for no reasons. as I said, i'm not a crazy fangirl. i was never one to start with.

I'm simply a girl looking for something that I've found in them.
its complex yet as simple as that.

FREAKS

2010-01-27T22:45:00.004+08:00

& I realise, i really don't care anymore.
I will not and do not want to deal.
so fuck off. (:
do yourself a favour.
I said this a million times that i'm even fucking tired of it.

a broken promise is a lifetime scar.
not just any ordinary promise.
ask yourself if it was even worth breaking it.
~~wait, did you even realise you broke it? i guess not. thats even worst. my disappointment just grow as time goes...~~

my voice is starting to be gone )=
i guess there is a 99.9% that I won't be going to my centre tmr!
fuck this shit man.
& I just changed my lesson plan like JUST.
holy cow.
i'm in such a bad shape. /:

I thought I was a happy girl!
but in a few hours,
there is so much things you find out and argh.
life sucks. I just have to lick it all up! ):
LOL.

omg. why am i still laughing out loud.

do you even care.
its not a question. its a statement.
don't say things you don't mean.
cause people would take it seriously.
to only realise later on that they've been lied to.

HERBAL DRINKS )x

2010-01-27T19:31:00.002+08:00

i'm a happy girl today, i think (:
I hate that I'm still sore though.
I think the debate in class today made it even worst! ):
but loving every single of it!

1. JOY got stuck in a jacket which was HIGHlarious.
2. the topic we touch on today was painful, couldn't stop crying ):
3. I receive drinks today! (bitter tea, honey lemon, barley)
All drinks were ewww. ):
one was bitter (obvious), one was too sour!, and one was simply TASTELESS -.-
4. finally done with ALL individual assignments!

Dedication to joy's grandma! LOL.
Thank you ah ma for letting me drink the bitter tea you brew!
& thank you joy for bringing it for me! much love!
~~although its the first time someone wanted the bottle back! HAHA!~~
after it, i think my voice actually really did get better!
more effective than freaking cough syrup ):

I hope when I wake up tmr,
my voice would be back! please be back! i need you so badly!~
please please? & I pray that tmr's implementation would be awesome! PLEASE.

I have been thinking what I would wanna do during the holidays!
I think i'm gonna do photo editings when i have the time.
& NO, its not editing MY pictures.
you know how I love all these pictures with quotes right?
i don't really have the time to look for them at times /:
& sometimes I rather use my own quotes!

so... I'm gonna either take pictures that I have taken of environment, or something nice but definitely NOT ME and put quotes in...
& I could post it and credit it as my own personal work (:
I just like photo editing alot!
but I suck at photoshop /:
so bear with me if it sucks.
I probably wont even use photoshop though. HAHA.

im freaking scared for implementation tmr so please please help me!
):

FINALLY DONE.

2010-01-26T21:11:00.006+08:00

OKAYOKAY, this is gonna be my last post T.T
i'm just addicted to blogging, and i don't know how people can control themselves,
or rather too busy to blog? ( i have no life, so blogging is a must )
I kinda admire these people! oh wells. (=

so I decided to change my layout to something simple and casual.
I know its rather common? But i never really like those blogskins where you have to click on tabs to see other things.
I prefer you coming here and see everything I type. (:
I like it, and its easier for you? although I had to cut down alot of things,
like pictures and tabs. oh wells! I'm liking it though!
let's hope I don't get bored with it or something!

I'm actually multitasking now.
With PD & my fic. XD
I'm starting to lose my mind man.
I simply cannot concentrate on my assignment at all ):

just when i thought my voice can't get any worst...
I can't even croak now -.-
THIS.IS.HORRIBLE. ))))=
now i'm REALLY scared of my implementation day!
-i finally finish 3 strengths, left 3 challenges and 3 goals-
okay. my throat hurts like shit.
maybe i have throat cancer (= HAHAHA.
- i finally finish my challenges & am literally stuck at goals-

i seriously am so distracted with my voice,
i can't focus ):
-finally finish two goals! left one! hwaiting~ bernice!-
OMFGGGGGG.
im finally done (((= but...
why does everyone's printer running out of ink?
but i'm sorry bbs! i'm really thankful that you all always help me to print /:
sighhs. this is bad! I need a printer ):

bear(omg, i just realise its like BEAR BEAR like teddy bear, bear.) with me.
im just really crazy over duburang now.
i mean it would probably die down and all.
but let duburang have some spotlight now alrights? (:

LOST MY VOICE AGAIN

2010-01-26T18:37:00.006+08:00

fuck shit. I have officially lost my voice.
this is horrible.
& my implementation is in what? two days -.-
how bad can this get? ):

i went to my centre just now, & the kids killed me.
I don't know if its cause they are tired, but i am equally tired =.=
I raised my voice till I literally lost my voice...
& am hating every minute of it.

WHY does it always happen when I have implementation?
& this time, its worst.
I don't even know how I got it. -.-
I didnt even shout the day before or anything.
-stabs self-

& D told me i could buy herbal tea from co-op.
but i was home already ):
omg, I need honey lemon so bad!
& class starts at 9 tmr, which means no time to buy it either ):
I keep drowning the damn cough medicine into my mouth man.
i would literally drink the entire thing if someone can confirm with me i won't die from doing that.

school was fun today (: I enjoyed myself. LOL.
esp during CAYC. omg.
gross gross. images are forming -.-
~~will kill joy when I see her~~
but i feel bad that i didnt really pay attention in class ):

我不知道你还爱不爱我，
我哪里做错，
请你快告诉我。
this is random, but it was playing on my itunes.
i just have to type it.
我要你知道，我永远爱你，
如果失去你，我就活不下去。
so sweeeeet! (:

back to topic, can someone please tell me whats the fastest way to get rid of it?
other than not talking? cause i'm already controlling that part of healing.
i feel so miserable right now ):
duburang looks sad too, cause he's in the sack, i think.
i think im obsessed with him. LOL.
-brb, gonna let his head out of the sack-

I hate that I feel so helpless when it comes to children.
is this what I really want? ):
I want music as a BIG part of my life.
sighhs, my ambition: singer or song composer or song writer.
i need to wake up to reality. WDV.
i'm a dreamer. blame my zodiac sign! (:

I have a last part for PD before im done.
I need to find someone to simply print that page for me since the rest are printed already!
hmmm. -scanning through names-
sighs. I'm stuck. I hope someone would still be up in the wee hours cause i'll probably be burning midnight oil tonight (:
I miss the times where I only have less than an hour to sleep.
Although I've been stress and getting sleep for maybe few hours,
I never really gotten back to the habit where i'm like a walking zombie. (:
kinda miss it though. /:

but im definitely mentally exhausted.
I can't wait to get it over and done with for my two implementation.
thats ALL i'm dreading.
& then im prepared for shopping and more shopping.
not only that...
I'm gonna go to ECP and scream my hearts out!

oh valentine, why do you have to be on the same day as CNY?
i'm gonna miss you so bad ):

keep smiling, cause there ARE beautiful to be happy about.
like how you're actually reading my blog. (:
HAHAHA!
my webcam's working in my laptop. like finally.
I tried it like two weeks agao (:
yay to it!

p.s im probably gonna blog one more time before i sleep XD
im sorry? HAHA.
p.s.s i forgot. thanks for all the the " are you okay" texts (:
people stalk my blog man, that scary.
but as i said. I LOVE STALKERS. (:
so yay to this too.

=DDD

2010-01-26T08:39:00.006+08:00

he wants to meet everyone! (:

so i suddenly feel awfully lost when I woke up today.
maybe its cause of the dream I have when I first woke up.
i can't really remember now.
so I guess it doesnt matter for now.

but one thing's very bad.
i woke up with a fucking sore throat.
I'm freaking scared now, cause its implementation week!
& I have a trial implementation today after school.
& my voice is croaky.
DAMN ITTTT. why does it always have to happen like that?
~~(I blame it all on joy, cause she made me cry last night.)~~

but seriously, im really scared. I CANNOT LOSE my VOICE.
not now, not when shinee is coming.
not when rml is coming.
not when implementation is coming!
-stabs self-

I need a freaking effective way to get rid of it ):
no strepsils please. anything else but that.
I feel like drinking the entire cough medicine I got from the doc the other time /:
I had blood as I blew my nose )))=
tell me this isnt the end of me? =X

I need like herbal drink or something.
But its probably too late for me to get one. ):
SOMEBODY? HELP MEEEE.

i'll definitely be back to blog more later.
ciaociao.

pictures tell a thousand words

2010-01-25T18:39:00.005+08:00

honestly, i didnt even know my previous post was so long!

After that not so happy post, I couldn't refrain from blogging again!

its a habit, so stop it you guys. blogging is like half of my life and the other half is kpop (:

omg. i'm listening to 2pm's 10 out of 10. & i miss jaebum so much again ):

i think this was adorable. CHALK WORLD.

i use to play with chalks all the time.

This was sweet, but honestly, i think no guy actually DO say this. HAHA.

its still sweet though! T.T

I'm thinking of inking this on my hand,

with words. but I don't know.

maybe design a tattoo on my own XD

don't ask me if im gonna regret it,

cause i dont know too ):

This was lovely.♥

I don't know if you guys like Tata Young, but i think some of her songs are actually pretty good.

sorry for random, but my itune's on shuffle ^^

& thanks to gurvin for intro-ing me backstreet boys straight through my heart.

its amazing.

I need people to intro me songs,

i'm starting to get tired of my itunes.

any genre is fine and language.

just no screamo, or songs thats annoying to the ears. LOL.

to me, this picture means more than just He/HIM. it applies to everyone that i treasure.

I know you're not worth my tears,

but it doesnt stop me from crying.

everyone who knows me know i believe in 11:11.

& nowadays, I don't. not that I stop believing...

but I guess I simply stop.

maybe i could look at it at a bright side,

like.. maybe i'm so happy, i dont have anything to wish for.

sometimes being self-delusion, or being in self- denial or lying to myself makes everything seem better.

THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE A SAD POST. (:

JUST THINKING

2010-01-25T17:40:00.006+08:00

I was going to blog either a really angst post/depressed post... or a post filled with anger. but i realise... why do it? its dumb. esp when the feelings I had just now aint so strong anymore. i can't believe I almost cried. I wanted to lock my blog too cause im so sick and tired of lurkers, "judges", or simply anonymous people and I always feel so restrain to blog cause I have to be worried about what others are gonna say or judge.

& i think you guys just don't matter to me. If you're not my friend, you probably won't know me entirely, and i probably won't even know you're lurking or even know you...and its dumb to always lock my blog when I'm restraining it for you people to read or particular people at times. & I have to invite again and again which is stupid always having to sign in, so I didnt. I guess, the nonchalant me decided maybe after all I don't really care anymore. & if you are my friend, and you're judging me through this, well, i have nothing to say. I can't do anything anyways.

one thing i learn today would be:

Life is too short; be around people who makes you happy, if they don't, they don't matter.

I saw this somewhere on a picture, but I can't find it now, so yeah. & so i'm going to try really really hard. I know I say it a lot of times and it never did work. But somehow, I want this to work. I can't keep bothering about what people are thinking and feeling about me when I'm so fucking miserable about it, I mean if you hate me or something, the vibes you give me, I will get it, so I won't go near you, trust me, I will not, and if you do like me, I will get it too and would love to hang out with you, esp if we click, if we don't, we are STILL friends.

did i tell you? I hate guessing games. I hate guessing cause I usually get it right. & you must be thinking, if i get it right wouldn't it be good? no it isnt. (thats cause the right thing isnt ever a happy thing) I hate making an ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME, but i can't help it when i'm always right. its a gift i rather NOT have.

I have to know how to love myself before loving others right? honestly, this is true. because i feel every time i love my friends and get too close for comfort, I get hurt in return, its like I have already love my friends more than myself and I just get hurt repeatedly and they don't really care. So why am I caring so much? I hate to care and I don't want to care. But I probably still would. -.-which beats the purpose of this post.but i'm in desperate need to vent this out, so here it is.

whatever it is, from this moment onwards, I'm just gonna plug in my ear phones and listen to music unless someone talks to me, I'm never initiating a conversation anymore. Probably a greeting, but thats about it. I get affected too much and I just don't want to be hurt so easily anymore, I know its not worth it, and its wasting my time. & I have so many assignments to be stressed about. It's all piling without stopping, and I guess my mood swings are getting worst during this period of time too cause of all these extra pressure.

& I realise the happiness I look for isn't as easy as I thought it would be, or maybe its me complicating matters. Whatever it is, it still comes down to me, my problem, my view, my opinion. sighhs. I need someone to lead me. I probably fit the role of a follower than a leader. & i don't know if its a good or bad thing, but for now, I just want to to follow...

i'm gonna hug duburang♥ to sleep tonight. Hopefully he gives me the warmth and comfort I need.
nothing beats listening to My Girlfriend by Yoochun♥ [JOY!!]
& watching a fancam of jongkimin♥.
Its funny how people always ask why kpop is my priority.
its easy. it makes me HAPPY more than all these shit around me.

p.s I wish people stop being offended with posts like that, because I honestly don't mean it in a harsh way. you shouldn't be affected if its not you I'm talking about. & if you think its you I'm talking about, well, maybe we should talk it out you know...but it'll probably never happen. so we'll leave it hanging. ♥

maybe thats why I love photography so much and love taking pictures.
cause its the past, its the memories which stays.
everything changes, but at least you had it once, you experience it once.
& you know this person was ever so amazing in your life, even if she changes.
& you know at least you ever thought you were happy in that moment, even if you're not now.
& at least I see who I was last time, even if i'm different now.

DUBURANG♥

2010-01-24T16:19:00.008+08:00

(two happy kids presenting to you...)
WELCOME HOME DUBURANG!♥♥

This is SHINee with Tromm Bear. ♥

Duburang in his awesome baby pink bag~!

This was a free gift that came with it! Love Is...

This is the texture of duburang♥, freaking soft and fluffy white!

we present you duburang♥ with chunsa♥!

we started giving him clothes to wear! He only fit one! & he couldn't even zip it up!
awww! too fat for his own good!

he's awesome/lovely/adorkable!♥ (just like onew lee jinki!)

peek-ka-boo!♥

couldn't resist posing pictures with him!♥♥♥

duburang's happy with his new home!♥
(he doesn't look cute in these pictures, but trust me! see him in real life and you go AWWWWW!)

yay! ♥
( i look good here! HAHA! =D)

couldn't resist!
NOBODY TOUCHES DUBURANG♥!
~~
& pictures we put together to produce GIFs!♥
LOL! ENJOY~!

PSYCHOTIC.

MURDERER.
~~
DUBURANG♥ is 120cm. He weighs like a dead human body.
& omg~!
he's white like snow. & adorable like tofu!♥
----

i'm freaking ass happy! & OMG, I can totally smile all day!
Thank you babe! you're the best!♥
AHHHH!~ DUBURANG!♥
KEY KIM KIBUM, you better treat ONEW LEE JINKI-oppa well! =D

& holding on seems easy.

2010-01-23T11:04:00.004+08:00

on a lighter note, I would love to be able to bake these.

& I won't deny that because people get hurt so many times, sometimes the heart just refuses to function anymore.

but there would always be something good at the end of the day.

so yes, be happy, be strong in life.
because thats all you need to get through anything and everything.
its not that I have nothing happy to blog about. (:
as I said, blogging is therapeutic to me.
So I suppose...there would be more of this kinda posts.

2010-01-23T10:53:00.000+08:00

some stuff for your mind to think about.

sometimes the sweetest words have the biggest lies.

seems like I simply can't start on my assignments. The ability to multitask have cease to nothing. i can't believe I really tried to do my assignments but just could not get started at all. & whats worst was going through my reflections and realising they all suck and major editing and redo-ing is being needed. -stabs self- & I haven been eating well at all with all these freaking stress getting to me. Dinner is like...a big no no already. Can't keep this up or else my cancer would get worst.

I think I have a growth somewhere in my body. the bruise that Lisa tried helping me rub off was still there. & I didnt even notice till Vinlee told me. Its pretty scary. How long have it been since it was there? Not only that, I have been having really blurry images for a period of time, & my sight is getting bad to worst & it scares me kinda badly. The headaches that come are so random and unexpected too. My body aches with no care in the world & I'm always so tired and lethargic all day long that I cannot even stare at a MS word for more than 10 minutes. I'm probably going to die soon...& frankly speaking. I'm not scared of death, its what happen after death that scares me.

i forgot to mention I fell in the bathroom recently and fell flat on my knees & now the muscle in my knee hurt like fuck and everytime I bend it, it hurts ): I wonder when it'll go. It's extremely uncomfortable and I can't move properly such as squatting down and all, but im walking perfectly fine.

the most impt shit though was seeing a dead dog right in front my eyes yesterday when my mother drove me to the bus stop for school. I felt like puking and barfing all at the same time. Even though my previous dog died, I never had the chance to see him the last time so i never exactly saw a dead dog in my entire life. & the sight yesterday literally killed me. I can't put it in words, but just know how it fucking digust me when its a hit and run case. I fucking hell wish the person die a horrible death. there were blood oozing out of the head and it was so fucking lifeless. fuck shit. i fucking hate to witness it. )': RIP.

im using this writing style cause im blabbering and am very incoherent so i'm simply typing whatever comes to my mind first.

oh. note to you: I feel that whatever you say are just pile of... nothingness. Stop trying to redeem yourself if you have nothing SOLID to say. its pointless and a waste of time. I'm not being harsh, you havent seen harsh from me yet. its simply time for you to wake up.

this is another icon I made & his smile never fail to make me all fluffy inside even if its for a second. he reminds me of chunnie /: maybe thats one of the major reason why I do love him too.

YOU ARE...

2010-01-22T18:56:00.003+08:00

remember my post from ytd? XD

& I keep asking myself if i'm making the right choice.

that is why i hate having to choose btw two.
I hate it. i hate it i hate it so fucking much.

one's about my own principles and morals.
another is about my meaning, desire, obsession, love, ultimate aim and purpose in my life.
how can one choose btw two. fucking how?

I have finally made a choice!
i have decided to go for RML~!
let's just hope i'm making the best choice!

& Amanda from my class brought a ukulele today!
it was so freaking awesome~!
It's cool and all. (: I really love the sound from it!
i think everyone who owns a ukulele are cool man!~
I wanna learn how to play it xD

I had loads of fun with Joy today!
she's like... hilarious and fun!
I couldn't stop laughing man! omo!
I can't even put it in words!
but thanks babe~! i was really happy today! =D

I'm suppose to be sleeping now!
so i could hurry start on my LA and PD reflections ):
but im NOT succeeding cause i got distracted with my ff!
& of course blogging =X
I can't keep this up man. I feel like i'm gonna die of exhaustion.

okayokay, i shall ciao now.
just to make myself feel better if im not here blogging.
oh i forgot to mention I LOVE the crayon i drew/designed and coloured today!
MUACKS MUACKS MUACKS.
I didnt really notice anyone's else ):
I wish I did.
but the ones I saw were really either awesome, adorable or amazing!
Beth, Lisa, Fidelia, Fir, Haziqah, Geraldine, XF, Vinlee, Sijia, Liling, Rachel, Joy! I think thats about it! only half the class! XD
HAHA. all so lovely and adorable!♥ it was fun!

& today, I decided to skip my lesson to do work, but i've not started /: so yeah!
gotta get out of here like NOW. XD

2010-01-20T21:30:00.003+08:00

& I keep asking myself if i'm making the right choice.

that is why i hate having to choose btw two.
I hate it. i hate it i hate it so fucking much.

one's about my own principles and morals.
another is about my meaning, desire, obsession, love, ultimate aim and purpose in my life.
how can one choose btw two. fucking how?

~~p.s & i forgot to mention how you weren't there for me, but I had to act like i'm okay with it. it doesnt matter. not now, not ever.~~

2010-01-20T19:27:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I always have to think of others when in my entire life, i don't feel like anyone ever think for me. Like how I try my extreme best to be there for my friends, a call, a text, & i'm right there, but no one ever does that for me. & I just get tired all the time, tired in a mentally and physically way. Where I feel that sleep is all i need to drain this feeling I have. but why sleep when you're gonna sleep forever when you're dead. I try so hard to make my life more meaningful, but its seems futile. & if i stop trying, this churning in my stomach comes back in 24/7. its horrible even thinking of it. & right now, i'm trying to blog to keep it away. I don't want to have to think what it really means to feel, always so afraid of answers I can't live for.

& i asked myself why i keep searching for answers, & why i keep coming up with more questions. but i can't seem to stop even if I wanted to, even if i needed to. & the train of thoughts overwhelm me and i keep digging my own grave. The black & white encircles me. & I keep twirling around to feel the dizziness that overcomes my fears of any sort. I feel like barfing every second, feel like if i manage to puke every content, i'll probably feel so much better. Ironically, as much as I want people around me, I want to be independent, I want to be a person who won't need anyone. I think my life would be so much lighter, brighter.

but everyone just keeps saying that its not true, that you'll definitely need people somewhere, somehow in these years I'm going to live. It isn't a choice, it's a phase in life. But I don't want. I don't want this anymore...& i suddenly don't know what I've been talking about, or what I was trying to carry across. i shall get going. whats life actually.

2010-01-20T17:35:00.002+08:00

yay!~ im home and totally ready for nothing. (:
I still can't believe im home!

I don't know why I keep having inspiration for my fics but nothing for PD journals ):
but I have to start on them or else i'm gonna die for the final assignment & LA because I haven start on either of them ):
This is bad. save me?

i'll probably be back to blog later since im too lazy now (=
ciao ciao!
anyways, i enjoy myself a hell lot today.
its like the best day ever since i came back to school!

& get well soon vinlee! -huggles-
you didnt come to school today!
I was so freaking sad, but oh wells (:

2010-01-19T21:31:00.001+08:00

i thought i would never say this but i think you didnt mean it
when you said you love me.

& im going to bed now.
nights. (:

tired physically & mentally

2010-01-18T22:49:00.005+08:00

& no words are good enough to describe the feelings thats churning in me.

its monday again.
horrible i have to say.
but i had my fill of food.
im 'satisfied' would be a good word.

my eyes hurt.
my bones ache.
my joints crack.
i have headache all the time. ):
i feel like i'm gonna die soon, literally.

my supply of lollipops are gone.
I have to restock soon.
which would take too long cause im too lazy/busy.
im too dependent on it ):
its a bad sign.

life's better with your eyes closed, ears deaf, mouth mute, smell foul, taste = less.
oh god, would you give me wings?
i need them badly.

wait, all i need is for someone to give me a nice, warm long hug when they see me.

2010-01-18T01:20:00.003+08:00

this is why i love mickey mouse.
they make a meal so delicious. =X

i'm mere EIGHT digits away from you.
& if love really matter, distance doesn't matter to the heart.
so, search the name, call the name.
& I'll be there right where you want me to.
I'm tired ): & sick, literally.

~~i wish I had some milo now.~~ i just went down to make a cup for myself. omg. i'm not that lazy actually.
went shopping today. bought something from Zara and River Island.
they are having sale people. gogogo~!
it seems like i'll be doing my hair early.
maybe this coming friday ):
cause mummy said prices go up when CNY is near ):
so maybe school friends would see my new hair even before cny is here ):
which is damn sad. cause it aint called new hair for the new year anymore ):

& thank you xy for she'll be helping me go install my photoshop and microsoft in my laptop.
yay to that.♥
thanks alot. sighhs.

i'm so tired and exhausted now, i simply have to sleep.
& before i go. (:
I really hope I wont be depress tmr morning ):
I'm be really really really sad if i receive no mail tmr! =X

I love you.♥
dubu!onew said: "When you laugh, luck comes to you."

okay, keep smiling guys.
you look really good when you do.
nights all~♥

would this post trigger a tinge of emotions?

2010-01-16T23:58:00.006+08:00

& I actually found a picture that might be able to express my everyday thought.

Did I ever mention chocolate's therapeutic too?! (:
NYNY's mudpie~!♥
& the company who I was with when eating..

today was the most awesome-ness-t anniversary I've ever come across, it brings tears to my eyes.
i wish I could put it down in words but im speechless.
now i know why everyone's so desperate to love, even me!
because love is amazingggg~!

anyways, I had alot of time to think today because i was practically free the entire morning and afternoon.

& I realise I didnt stick to my new year's resolution.
i'm still suffering under this fucked up shell I've been trying to take away cause its so freaking heavy.
& I don't want to have to wait for the 1st of a month or another whole new year to start afresh,
because I can simply start now, this second. & i want to.
I was suppose to be happy, & stay happy.

I wished I shared more during PD sharing, cause I have so much to give~
& you know I really wanted to hug every single one of my classmate who broke my heart with their stories. & i didnt. & I hate myself for it. )=
I'll learn from mistakes. I will. & so I'm gonna try to be nice again, & give everyone a fresh start, cause i'm giving myself umpteen times of chances too. (:
7 I hope people give me one more chance to make things right!

but sometimes, I feel I could be more tactful too.
& people could be tactful too.
but I never forgot that reality's harsh & the truth always hurts.

I also realise how much I really do love my friends.
but probably show it in a mean/different way.
I probably care for them alot, but I act like an ass to them.
for exmaple, instead of saying "you shouldn't do this! you're gonna hurt.",
I probably say "why are you so stupid! omg~! don't do it luh!"

& people do get offended & I wonder if I should change myself for that.
I remembered telling my friend "the day I stop being an ass to you would be the day I stop caring for you." & my friend was really touched by it. & i was glad I said it too.
& I love it when my friends show me care and concern even though I might not show you,
I really feel like hugging that person when that person simply ask if im okay, or ask hows my day.

I probably got a bad attitude, but thats just the way I show my care and concern,
you might hate it, dislike it, but thats just the way I roll... & i earnestly apologise if I've hurt you.
But I simply love you in a way you don't want.
I'll try to be nice, but if thats not me anymore,
i'm probably just a fake friend trying to be caring in a way you want, & its probably not sincere at all, cause thats just not me.

oh wait, starbucks is 100% therapeutic. I swear.
♥

I mean, I can be nice. EVERYONE's nice infact. thats why I said I have a love/hate relationship with human beings, & that includes people having the same reaction towards me. & I like to think of it as something good. (:

I had a HTHT with my sister again~ and it feels awesomely awesome. (= as much as I have friends I'm willing to die for, my family would always come first. I bet everyone knows how much I fucking love my sister, because I show it all the time. & probably the only person i'll ever look up to. so yeah. I love my family. esp her. they mean so much, I can't even describe. I'm going to try to spend more time with them ♥ honest.

& I'm probably gonna be a tinge busier now cause I have commitments for about 6 weeks?
Not very sure yet. still have a lot of things to note down.
Especially with the upcoming exam & trips I'm literally planning for which I doubt would make it. XD & more ff to write~!♥ wow. its mostly crazy. As much as I know how nocturnal kills me and my body, I probably prefer this lifestyle than being a normal healthy person. I mean I say this now, but that doesnt mean I won't change my tune or regret it in the future.

okay, I think its enough of my rambling~! I have people to tell gushy mushy events and depressing speeches~! so hurry get offline now~! so you wont have to hear it! HAHA~!

oh gosh, this is becoming long again.
I told you blogger was therapeutic for me (= I can't write this in twitter so I'm pouring thoughts into my blog & hope to share share share & maybe annoy.

Oh & japanese food's therapeutic too.
revenue house's sakura~!♥
& the company who I was with when eating.

& i found an awesome fact. do you know that 317 is the word LIE upside down?
it looks better in a digital form, like a calculator. (:

& another random fact about me:
i'm attracted to people with beautiful handwriting.(:

& another:
I would like to have a sleepover in a castle.♥

I think I would be constant about random facts about me in blogger.

2010-01-16T13:31:00.002+08:00

I wish I held on a little longer,
I wish I wasn't the coward I was.
I wish I didn't let you slip away,
I wish I didn't let you go...

-toothy grin-

& a song decided to pop into my itunes and played.
I miss how yochunnie sang it with all his heart.
& i love it cause its an english song and I actually understand it.
Had overwhelming of emotions; it felt really good.
& I realise, i'm actually a depressing kid. (:

not in a bad way, but not exactly in a good way either.
& i think I wouldn't change this aspect of me.
It's probably the best thing I possess. At least it makes me know i'm still alive & im not exactly immune to feelings. (:
I 've not been feeling good these few days cause of some shit.
& its making me more depressed as days pass.
so i'm gonna try to stop it.
sighhs. but how can I ever leave it behind? i would die without it /:

on a lighter note, holidays are coming, cny to be exact, & for some reasons i'm anticipating it.
I have no idea why. maybe cause i'll be needing another break for myself.
& hang out in a positive atmosphere. (:
I have pictures to post, but i'll do it on my next post.
i'll let this be a wordy post. (:

& i wanna say ily to everyone who knows me. cause I think I really do.

2010-01-15T20:26:00.002+08:00

& i just feel its time for me to do something for myself. (:

TGIF. as much as I enjoyed the week, I dread too!

I simply wish for the weekends to come so I could snuggle under my covers.

& smile when its in the afternoon and not crank up when its still early in the morning and go to school.

& this blog is definitely therapeutic to me.

I've been overly depressed yet overly ecstatic too.

mood swings I have to say.

But definitely more happy than depress.

because I refuse to think of anything to dwell on for too long.

I have people to thank for.

quite a few actually. no alot. esp all the commenters (:

they always make me wanna kill them yet love them all the same.

& two special people who keeps listening to my rambles and weird depression speech. XD

i think you know who you are! (:

another hint in case you dont know im talking about...

its you two who read my fics too! =D

hi, justin bieber, i like you,

& i don't care if you're gay (:

sexuality don't matter to me.

Your music does.

2010-01-14T22:15:00.005+08:00

i thought its gonna be alright. & by being forgiving, im gonna be okay.

but you just infuriate me like fucking crapp, even when i tried my best to be nice.

& i realise...i want to have NOTHING to do with you.

& yes, you.

cause i've had enough.

you can go have your own fucked up life and TOTALLY leave me out of it.

& i could seriously care less.

I thought you were worth at least an effort.

I thought it was alright for me to be good.

but its not, & it'll never be.

so im telling you here.

FO. & never fucking talk to me.

because you make me the kind of person i detest and never want to be.

& i dont want to be like that.

esp with your fucked up ways.

I don't want to be nice anymore.

by making you happy, im making myself die everytime.

& you know, there's only such thing as second chances, but i swear i gave you more than 20 chances.

& you just take it for granted.

& its enough. its really fucking enough.

stay away from me.

stay out of my life.

just GO AWAY.

PISSED

2010-01-13T17:00:00.001+08:00

i dont want to sound all emo or depress because after PD i feel like a new person.
~~well, it doesnt last for long eh?~~

but im pissed after i read something.
I fucking hate it when people think im taking them for granted or using them for favours.
if i was, i wouldnt even have thought of you,
& why would i even trust to ask favours or to even be with you.
bullshit. just FO already. as i said. I just want to be happy.
stop twirling me around in your world. cause i dont want to be part of it.

i dont want to be miserable, and neither would you.
so im doing you a favour by getting out.
so stop saying shit about me.

i would probably regret posting this.
because this would result in more problems and shit.
& half a million people might read this.
But i stand my right.
this post is for you.
you can stop worrying about me taking advantage of you (like what you think) and just get out of my life too.

also, i would probably forget this anger once i post this,
& probably wish to god nobody reads this,
but i don't want to drag this,
cause its probably gonna repeat if i dont talk about it.

oh, don't worry, i wont ever talk to you either.
unless you decided to suddenly forget about what you said about me and strike a conversation.
im not perfect but at least to you, i'm truthful.

so here, with all the strength and courage i gather up,
im gonna post this.
dont freaking ask me if its you.
if you're feeling gulity, then ITS YOU.
dont even fucking doubt it.

2010-01-12T23:59:00.001+08:00

if this really happened in real life, not only would i have killed half the universe,

i probably would have been killed too. (:

2010-01-12T23:48:00.004+08:00

i love/hate that i have this love/hate thing with human beings (:

ah. i feel good tonight.

oh...might be going school alone tmr.

I'll see if I can handle it! =D

2010-01-12T00:34:00.002+08:00

im not a pessimistic, i just think too much.

~~p.s i NEED a new card holder for my ezlink card. mine is revolting. i use to have micky cardholder but i ruin it with my bare hands )=~~

is it an insult to blogger that i only come on here when im feeling really low? or is it a compliment that I find it therapeutic?

2010-01-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

who could make me happy when im depress like that?
someone?

2010-01-11T23:51:00.001+08:00

I don't know how much longer
You're going to be here
So I say my prayers
Every night
One 4 my mother
One 4 my father
And one 4 the love of my life
So if u decide to leave today
Then leave tomorrow at the door
And take only
Half of yesterday
Forget all hope for the present
Cause it just went away

We were 5 steps
From eternity
4 steps
4 steps past love
And 3 wishes
From
Touching the heavens above

Another day is gone
Another night now dawn
Waiting patiently hoping you'll return
But not before long
Why'd you say goodbye
I still feel your presence
In my bed at night
And what was reality once
A love True in form
Has now added pain
For a man scorn
Forced to wear the memories of pain
Around an empty heart
Now I sit in silence and begin to think
As laughter echoes through the air
I can't get you off my mind
But a whole new love
I could never bare
So now I lay
Me down to sleep
And I pray my Lord my soul to keep
And if I die, before I wake
Then I promise I'll be there for you always

We were 5 steps
From eternity
4 steps
4 steps past love
And 3 wishes
From
Touching the heavens above

did you hear it?
i can't get it out of my mind.
its for you.
I hope you heard it loud and clear.
we all miss you.
when are you ever coming back.

2010-01-11T20:12:00.004+08:00

& i realise so many people are living the kind of life i want.
sometimes, i get so jealous & wish I was them.
yet, thinking again, maybe not.
but hey, if i wish on a shooting star...
I wish to live as them for just one day.

so proud of myself for making these four icons (:

I probably wont be blogging much about my entire days.
i usually blabber them on my twitter now.
thus, here's just snippets of words here and there.
& pictures which speak out to me.
so enjoy. (:

PL & WK wedding. (:

2010-01-10T16:34:00.002+08:00

so get married people! (:

wow. check out my twitter. its a surprise i didnt explode it. xD
wait for tonight. I'll be updating it like craze like just now!
oh wells. the ceremony was beautiful.
but i was more interested in the church than groom and bride >,<
& damn it. i saw my children from my centre! im fucking related to them & i didnt even know!
okay. other updates are in my twitter and are gonna be in my twitter.
blogging takes too much time and words. (=
see you guys. gonna prepare for wedding dinner soon.
i shall nap first. (:
enjoy people.

onkeyy love!

2010-01-10T12:02:00.006+08:00

see how its past tense and not present (=

hey life! you and me = unfinished. till the day i die.

how cute. makes me happy all the time.

i'm probably just really happy!
cause comments are still coming on the third day! (:
& gosh. 51 in total!
I know they can't see this. but damn! happy like shit!

see vinlee & xf! im not ALWAYS depressed!
anyway hanged out with them ytd again cause of school open house.
not gonna elaborate. cause im lazy and bored.
but had fun! =D i ate mudpie! HAHA!
=D ciao. me have things to do today! (=

2010-01-09T10:47:00.001+08:00

twitter killed me. its being annoying.
my followerssss~~~~~~~!!

my phone killed me. its being funny.
my calls and text messagesss~~~~~~~!!

my desktop killed me. its being crazy.
my tabss~~~~~~~!!

the only thing that makes me happy.
i cant think of one right now.

My Mind Is With You.

2010-01-08T22:00:00.000+08:00

im a girl with few words. but overwhelming emotions.
-bernicechristinelee

4th Jan.
went to school just for the sake of passing up stupid lesson plan ):
I swear I could sleep so much more.
I was perspiring so badly too!
Its my fault though. oh wells =D

after which, headed off to Katong for K.
BBT is love. [its bubble tea, not bang bang tang by the way. LOL!]
(=
mummy came to pick me up!
ah. XINGFU!
Thank you thank you!

5th Jan
went to school for training with XF & Vinlee ):
this is bad! its less than half an hour & i could have skip it!
headed off to Dhoby Ghaut and ate Carls Junior!
Spent two hours there!
never ate so much potatoes in my life!
I'm so bloated even till now!

went for a SMALL shopping spree.
bought PJ pants! LOVEEE.
would post picture soon!
& a tank top/leggings! almost bought a mickey underpants ):
but nehhh. no moolah!
Thank you thank you!

back home and finish up e-learning.
absolutely proud of myself.
I did it of my own accord! wow. (=

6th Jan
Group members and XY came over my house.
Did our CD summary & it was horrible!
oh wells, maybe its only my group!
But yeah to good food man!~ Went to meet XF to get my lunch first. (:

Did it really late until around 11pm (x.x)
poor members! esp xf!~
Thank you guys for staying strong and finishing it!
ah~! I am waiting for it all to be over!

7th Jan
omigosh. members came at 9.30am & i was still sleeping my ass off!
started our work pretty soon!
however, couldnt start anything with an empty stomach!
so yesh to lunch again! (=

Manage to finish POA todayy!
Thank you guys again for pulling through!
didn't expect to get it done though! =D
make me soooo proud of you guys!!!

Had super hell good dinner.
My joints are breaking. damn it.
I need new shoes. LOL!
& yeshhh~! I need $$ tooo!

hope everyone had a blasting day (=

8th Jan
I have an amzing dream of you and me,
we were actually talking to each other,
& of all places, it was sunday class,
& we were just joining in the younger classes.
damn it, its a dream I remembered.
that means it wont come true... ):

okay, my group members are back in my crib to crash (=
finally starting on our PLAY project.
am gonna die if im gonna do CD again after doing it for two days in a row!
can't wait to be done with this too!
I'll probably shout for joy right now!

today's already friday. how fast.
i would say TGIF, but i'll strike it out.
cause im just dreading school on Monday /:
I need my precious sleep.
so bad so bad so badlyyyyy!

Oh wells, because im waiting for my members,
they ask me to blog (:
HAHAHA. so here I am updating it!
& would be posting it! like finally!~ (=

YAY.
hope everyone stays happy!!
see you guys soon!!~

4th JAN!

2010-01-04T02:48:00.003+08:00

if this is a dream... i don't want to wake up.
& if this is reality...i don't want to ever sleep.

& if this is happiness, i'm glad I found it in you.

edit:

"TVXQ contract with their Japan company AVEX will expire in June."
so what comes next tvxq, what comes next...?
you'rekillingmesoftly.

3rd JAN!

2010-01-03T11:59:00.002+08:00

:D

omgosh, i was suppose to lose weight during the holidays,
but i've been eating non-stop ):
people are all doing it on purpose cause I can never say no to food!
brother bought supper for me and dad too!
ah! nice nice! (=
thank you! -huggles-

enjoyed myself last night too.
I have a new fav now! that youtiao thing thing!
thank you! :D

& im posting the picture post today, because Its annoying to have a draft post in my blog,
i'll upload pictures as they come. (:
so yay to pictures post! But it isnt much!
so sorry!

& ek! here beth! I miss you! BETHLINGS? haha.
talking to you last night make me miss you! (:
can't wait to see you in school! :D

okay thats about it,
me ish suppose to rush assignments,
but i literally JUST woke up at 11.59am.
& im heading out with my sister for food now! :D
I LOVE THAT SHE CAN DRIVE! OMG!
best thing in 2010 for me! LOL!

i love my life. (backdated pictures)

2010-01-03T11:58:00.001+08:00

This is the pictures post since 21st DEC to 1st JAN (:

A shoutout to lovelies who were with me would be...
Family!
Rueben, Roxy, Xavier, Junfeng, Mitch, Bryan, Elgar, Spencer, Nicholas.
Xingfen! Vinlee! Dionne! Celine! Alicia! Alice! Jasmine! Shermaine! Alysia! Claydon!
&...etc!
love you all!
& thank you for everything! (:
-------

sorry! its not much pictures but I really tried taking pictures!
:D

-------
I purposely choose pictures without the children's faces. xD
so here's some pictures of my implementation!
enjoy the cute little children!
thanks to sijia for taking it!

Another day with good food!

& crazy toy.

~~I have a video of it.~~
~~But i dont know how to upload it so waittttt.~~
its uberly adorable!!!
i went mad happy! it can go on for forever!

happy family. (:
thanks for it!

the only picture that looks festive for today cause an accident happen,

& we were mostly running around,
eating and all /:
so no pictures for such a day,
so lets keep the memories in the heart, mind and soul. LOL!

I really love this xmas!
its been one of the best, and maybe even the best. (=
these pictures are not very festive eh... LOL!

Elgar broke his toe nail trying to be hero -.-
it was bleeding non stop like crazy,
cause im not a complete sadist,
I didnt take pictures like crazy. These are more of the after effects.

using tobacco to stop the bleeding at first,
but it didnt stop at all. worst it stuck on his toe!
omfg! my heart was in pain.
its so horrible! but he's man![inside joke] LOL!

see my dimples! LOL!
waiting for foodie to come!

me ish a vampire!!

me ish molesting nakie pooh (:

foooood! & hmm. aliens.

start of journey. (:
car too fast; pictures blurred.

ah. perfect shot. =D

decorations are taken when im in the car because its nicer.
but with sucky phone cameras; not very good.
but its hard to take the road deco when you're not on the road.. so sorry!
I really tried taking pictures!
end of journey.
p.s would upload more pictures when sent to me.

what a beautiful sight to wake up to! (=
now here's something worth waking up to!

HERE'S SHANE with his awesome awesome hair!
argh! I need new hair soon! (=
some of you might have already seen him though!

B: "Do you like me?"
D: "No, why would I?"
weird silence in progress for one second.
B & D: -laugh-

that was hilarious!

sorry for not enough pictures!
too much laughing... no time for pictures. LOL.
enjoy!^^

a picture to mark the place

I know the pictures are limited but don't blame me. ):
at least I have a few to share xD
(=^_^=)v

i was falling in love with my pinkish lips (x.x)
pardon me!

i love you two so muchhhh!

thank you for making me so damn happy!
glad im not on my KL trip (=

heehee. YUMYUM!
holiday pictures start from here.

2 JAN!

2010-01-02T11:54:00.005+08:00

the first thing I watched today made me wanna wrap my palms around my heart and hold it tight.
it was the perfomance of DBSK at kouhaku on the 31st of dec.
They were singing stand by U. damn it homin.
damn you all. it doesnt even seem like TVXQ anymore.
please, please find a resolution to all these. ):

on a better note, I manage to download all 3 gayo daejun show. (:
its KBS, SBS and MBC.
i personally feel that SBS was the best! (:
even though watching it gave me an overwhelm of emotions,
i know its a feeling I'll never stop and can't stop.
Overall I enjoyed the performances!

2pm/shinee/suju all didnt disappoint me!
& many more, just not so significant to me. LOL.
oh wells, dbsk would always bring angst to my life. sighhs.
but it brings the best smiles out from me too.
jiayou dbsk. me is always keeping the faith!

CHANGES FOR THE NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T22:02:00.005+08:00

ITS 2010!
so there's definite changes over here!

a few days ago, I changed my blogskin!
& today I made changes to it!
& finally got it done! (:

So let me elaborate!!! ~

P.s because its a new year!
& im really hyped up! so pardon for the numerous post for today!

First, I changed the background image of my blog to rainbow!
cause rainbows are adorable and lovely!
& it makes me happy! (:

Second, I changed the links at the side bar!
The link which says 2010 quotes are quotes I'll post that I feel make sense to me and I want to share them with all of you!
I'll also upload images to go with it so it wouldnt look so bland!
so far, i have two to share with you all!
so keep checking alright! hopefully it'll trigger you too!
& maybe make you feel happy!

The link which says past/present/future are obviously my entries!
but because I cant never predict my future,
I had it cancel out! (:
It simply means that my future is still unknown,
& its still unpredictable! =D

The link which says no tagboard means no tagboard. LOL.
I guess I wouldnt be having a tagboard at all.
Unless there's really a need to.
But for now, it doesnt really matter in my blog. (:
talk to me on msn,
or leave me an email or something!

Third, theres the box after which says currently!
as you can see, I'll update my mood and maybe a random note when i feel like it!
or in case I didnt blog for that day. (:
which i highly doubt I would not blog. LOL!
but I think its cute. so I'll leave it there till I get tired of it.

Fourth, Obviously, there's something new!
its my twitter box!
so people follow me follow me! (=

i take back anything I said about twitter. (:
its time for me to go explore!
dont forget to follow me PLEASE!
with a cherry on top!
& if you dont have an account...
GO GET ONE!
so BERNICE can FOLLOW YOU TOO!

Fifth, MY LOVESSS.
these are not idols, these are my role models.
I don't expect people to understand,
& people probably say its stupid and crazy idolism,
i dont need to explain to you,
& I can't be bothered either.
as for pandas,
I simply think its cute! and fluffy and I really love them!
For now, there isn't anything I want to add there...
but I will! When there is something I really love. (:

Sixth, entries.
I'm planning to always have long post/s for a day,
that is why its one post only when you see my blog,
if there's too many days,
it'll look really weird in my blog because all the posts are long.
so yeah! be sure to catch the updates! (:
for short updates, refer to twitter! HAHAHA.

Seventh, profile.
I've change some of the things there. (:
feel free to check it out too.
but its nothing impt! ^^

thats about it.
if there's anymore changes, i'll be back to edit. (:
but i doubt it.

ciao lovelies!

its 2010 for you and me.

2010-01-01T12:49:00.005+08:00

like the bubbles, i want to be able to float and burst into the air.
be as transparent as I can,
& maybe escape reality for a second.

yesterday's countdown was unexpected because we actually got to see fireworks!
I was excited, shocked and surprised.
it isnt my first time seeing fireworks but we thought the place wouldn't be able to see it.

ton till 7am in the morning and finally slept.
thank you people for accompanying me for the new year (:
& sorry for not sending new year greetings!
I figured my phone was gonna get mad ): so yeah.

so.. Happy new year guys!
& thank you for people who were there for me in 2009!
I love you guys so very much,
& I hope to continue 2010 with you. (-huggles-)
& for many more to come (:
motto for this year: as long as you're happy!

There is so much i can say about 2009.
I can say so many unhappy events that happen,
but i can equally say all the beautiful events that happen too.

2009 have passed really fast.
I don't know if its a good or bad thing yet,
but I sure can say as usual its been a blast to be in it.

I can never ramble enough in an entire post.
thus, I wont.

I just want to say I want 2010 to be the best I ever had!
I have a lot of things that I am anticipating for this new year.
& I hope everything would be better than I expect.

A shoutout to all my lovelies:
I truly love you guys.
Thank you for listening to my rambles,
Thank you for standing by me,
Thank you for making me happy,
Thank you for coming into my life.

I want to be a better person.
so help me (:
& I hope this new year would bring you loads of love and happiness too.

let's run away together to a place we can call our own.

something for year 2010:

Live in each beautiful moment fully and completely.
Let each second of conscious wrap itself around you.
It is another moment that you are alive and breathing;
and at the end of the year, it’s the little things that will be making you smile the most.

(:

2010-01-01T00:48:00.000+08:00

here's a spam of pictures for the lack of pictures recently.
i took it out from my picture post so it won't get mixed up (:
enjoy.
last second of reminiscing.
& i'll start on the beautiful 2010.
-----

backdated pictures.

I love singing, but i love my voice more! HAHAHA.

my camwhore partner for the day! VINLEEE!!

I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!
=D SO DAMN MUCH MUCH!

MY CLASS MY CLASS. THE BEST CLASS! T05! :DD

I LOVE MY GIRLS!! SO MUCH LOVE!

counting down!

2009-12-31T11:18:00.008+08:00

to able to hear your voice everyday;
makes me happy like a child who gets to eat cotton candy all year long.
for once, im not complaining about technology.
v(=^_^=)v

ah. even though I was not able to get into TVants,
god gave me something better.
I manage to download the entire show of the day before performance!
now, im gonna see if im lucky enough to download ytd's show (x.x)
sighss.
imissjaebum.imissdbsk.theyaresupposetobethere):
iloveyouallsofuckingmuchithurtssobad.

so was chionging work ytd because i'll be going out today!
aish ): which means tmr chionging LA, e-learning and 5 more reflections!
sucks that the first day of the year,
I'll still be home doing assignments. thats dumb. ;D
but good enough. first time in my life. LOL.

anyways, im kinda ready for what this new year's gonna bring for me.
wait for me future, i'll be there.
always will. thank you.

me shall go bathe soon o.o
would most liklely come back to edit. (:

jaebum, did you hear you memebers singing 5 steps?
they are singing out to you.
dbsk, did you see the AKTF banner?
they are calling out to you.

what makes you different; makes you beautiful to me. (:

2009-12-30T14:55:00.003+08:00

when I hear your voice, I immediately melt into a puddle of goo,
and I can't help but talk in the softest whisper,
just in case I blow you off. heehee.

so I have been rushing assignments ):
& almost every single day,
there seem to be something new to do! argh!
im absolutely annoyed at my nonchalance towards it!
Just when I thought I got all my assignments in my hand,
I have to find out i have a ton more to do!

now im left with... LA lesson plan ( theres a lot of shit to do for this! but thank god, there isnt a need for referencing!)
5 PD reflections!
Play poster.
& probably e-learning stuff stuff which would appear next week!
[argh! cant they just put it up now! then i can get it done and over with!]

I wanted to say that I won't be blogging before i finish all my assignments,
but it'll probably not happen! LOL.
so yeah.
for now, i shall go laze around first and try to finish up my reflections and CD summary by today since i'll be out tmr! heehee!

& i pray to god, i'll be able to get inside of TVant today! ):

2009-12-30T00:49:00.001+08:00

me is tired. omg.
what language skills.
assignments are bad. (:
i am good. LOL.
i just needed to blog.
bye peepos!

awesomeee.

2009-12-28T08:25:00.003+08:00

you make me so happy,
i dont even know what I can do for you.
i love you so damn much.
this is for you. =D

All the fluff.
its killing me.
lets hope this fluff will last forever!
me need someone to share it with!
DIONNNNE NG!
get your ass online man!
where are you! argh!

2009-12-27T19:35:00.004+08:00

okay, I know people are awaiting the picture posts (:
I have been saying it for almost a month already! LOL!
but because i'll be getting presents late this year,
i'm gonna post it maybe later than 1st Jan. (x.x)

This year should be called the high-class year. (:
was talking to my cousins about "drunk" and all.
won't elaborate much cause public blogs are A-nnoying,
& i dont want to hurt people unintentionally, later they think i shooting them when im not. ):
all my stomach contain this month of holiday was Wine and Champange. (:
thats why I said its high-class cause its not some cheap booze!(hate beer so its no excuse) LOL!
didnt get drunk at all. probably just wasted. (:

heard many went for clubbing!
heehee. sighs. those days; those atmosphere.
This xmas is really worth every single crapp i went through this year.
& i'll be getting the best present I ever want!
I received a few and I can't say thank you enough.
pictures would all be posted so don't worry!

I know im too old for sparklers!
BUT GOSH! I LOVEEEE THEM!
i know im too old for hose play!
BUT GOSH! I LOVEEEE GETTING WET! (this sounds wrong o.o)
i know im too young for drugs!
thats whyyyyy im in singapore. (=
house parties FTW btw.
nothing beats house parties!
&&&& did i say i LOVE COFFEEE?
cause im gonna be a huge addict right now man. (=

not what i expected.
but once xmas is over,
it seems like the nightmare have just began.
but its okay because i fucking refuse to let myself down anymore.
& to not let others see me fall. (: [sad huh! too bad man!]

& because im so proud of myself for finishing my lesson plans in one day (:
[i didnt say this to add fuel to the fire to anyone who have not finish and all]
Imma get out of the house tmr!
I wasnt going to because I thought I wanted to finish my assignments since i have not EVEN start yet...

but ahhhhhhhh! I need to get out.
I broke down knowing i had so many assignments man!
today was a wake up call,
but imma miss this call and start somewhere. (=
& gosh. dont remind me about the 8 reflections i have to finish by today. ):
because im probably gonna stall it for next week and finish up 10 at one shot.
im sorry to teacher in charge.
& omg. FP evaluations. ): bad bernice!
im on the naughty list for next year i guess. LOL.

MERRY XMAS LOVE!

2009-12-25T09:31:00.005+08:00

because I'm not suppose to be waking up so early on xmas day.
& I only have 2 hours of sleep (:
here's a blog post!

okay, first off!
IM REALLY SORRY FOR THE TEXT SPAM (xmas wishes)
My phone is horrible! ):
I heard I sent like 3 to 4 times which is CRAZZZZY!
& my phone doesnt even say i sent that many times ):
but some were really happy/ excited/shocked and it seems like a great response! LOL.
well, gotta bear with it one more year!
cause this phone is soooo two years with me ):

second thing,
some people didnt even received the xmas wishes!
now this is bad ):
& i sincerely apologise for it!
but because I can't know who and what,
i CAN'T SEND MASS TEXTS again CAUSE OF THE SPAM.
so im really sorry!!

third thing.
thus im here wishing everyone who didnt receive or have received the crazy spam a MERRY XMAS TO YOU! again =D
& i love you guys very much!
& i hope you all enjoy yourself madly like what I had!
& im missing every single one of you! LOL!

fourth thing,
because of family traditions,
im always home on the 25th! =D
im such a goodie two shoes.
reason being: there's family gatherings!
my momma asked me to extend my invites so you're all welcome!
=D feel free to pop by my house for some free food & drinks (=
OMIGOSH! TURKEYYY! xD

fifth thing,
im sorry to everyone who i have not been able to pass you your pressies!
thus its belated ):
but no fear!
Santa bernice would make sure you get it somehow! LOL.

lastly,
i hope you guys are gonna have hell lot of fun and all!
throw assignments to one side.
this day is gonna blast! =DDD

XMAS LIST. YOU SHOULD LET ME KNOW YOURS TOO!

2009-12-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

MY XMAS LIST? HAHAHA.
I'll just keep updating for my own good. LOL.
so keep scrolling down everyday!

SHINEE POSTERS

I don't have pictures for this wish& blogger is have BFs as usual!
so I can't even upload a picture of SHINee.
BUT YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW IT IF YOUR MY FRIEND!
I WISH TO HAVE INDIVIDUAL POSTERS OF SHINee!! =DD
ESP ONEW WITH HIS BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT SMILE!!!
or a million onew is fine too.
i just really need to see onew's smile every morning I wake up! heehee!
this have got to be the easiest present to find!
it could be found at comics collection ( if im not wrong)
price: about $2 dollars for one? ( i can't rmb cause its been ages since I bought posters xD )
(( i also know that 2 dollars seem too cheap. but they really sell the posters really cheappp!))

SNOW GLOBE

OH MY FREAKING GOSH!
okay, i dont get why no one ever get me a SNOW GLOBE when its the most beautiful thing!
I always wanted a snow globe and nobody ever got me one. LOL!
& i cant believe i almost forgot about it!!
OKAY. I LOVE SNOW GLOBES. they are the prettiest thing on earth!
& if it comes with music, its even better =DD

TROMM BEAR

SOMEONE SUPER DUPER NICE & GREAT HAVE DECIDED TO BUY TROMM BEAR FOR ME!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! HEEHEEE ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

POLAROID CAMERA

if you're my friend,
you would know how long i've always wanted a polaroid camera! ):
PRICE: $116 with free 20 films!
can be found at http://coolktime.com/

BACKPACK!

SAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH with me!!!
these bags can be found at DICKIES & YAKPAK! =DD
I have no idea how much they are ):
but the range should be 50 bucks? HEEHEE.
OMG! ahhh. rainbow love!

MICROPHONE

honestly, this could be my wedding ring.
i dont need a ring, I just need a home mic for me to sing my heart out. (:
thanks my future fiance! (=
OKAY FINE. I REALLY WANT THIS LIKE NOW! (=

P.S im just putting it for fun. you dont have to think im doing this for... whatever you're thinking about.
i mean everyone have xmas list right?
and usually you don't get anything.
so same with this. (:
just enjoy it! I will update this as soon as i find things i want. (:
until xmas ends. LOL.

xmas eve!!!

2009-12-24T08:35:00.003+08:00

ITS XMAS EVE BBs!! =DDD
ain't it beautiful? the weather and what nots!

& I want to share this song which have been with me since forever.
Does this song trigger you? (:

once again,
I hope you all are gonna have the best xmas!
i don't know how mine's gonna be yet,
but i hope its gonna be the best!!
Its early, im sub conscious. HAHA.
i gotta get out of my house soon!
love you!

i love you guys who even appear in my life

2009-12-23T20:10:00.000+08:00

the best things in life is not having to pretend to be someone else and getting acknowledged by the people you respect and love.

[the feeling is senstional]

as much as im worried sick about assignments,
i feel that this is another phase in my life which i absolutely love,
& i can't wait to wake up the next day and say "annyeong" to my posters (:
& then start the day with music and get on with it.
i mean I have unhappy moments and,
habour on angsty crap,
but today, I feel so good.

so i hope you all have this feeling too!
& did i tell you people how much I love tumblr.
they have the most amazing things there.
& sometimes, i feel so inspirational. (:
& maybe just for a moment,
I want to treasure this thing called life.

& a shoutout to people who feel they have found "the one",(or already found it)
I hope you really treasure him/her,
& have a happily ever after.
because gosh, almost half the universe wish to have what you have.
as much as singlism rocks,
somewhere, a tiny piece of the heart would wish they have someone to love them & someone to love.
(: so hey. be happy. you already got something half the universe have to wait a lifetime just to have.

& another shoutout to people who are too afraid to confess,
time is too short to be hesitant,
if you love a person, go for it!
you wouldnt want to be thinking of "what ifs",
and i know the fear of rejection hurts,
but the regret of not doing it is worst.
& you never know the other might be feeling the same,
but too afraid to say too.
so why dont YOU make the first move,
& get YOUR happily ever after?
the pleasure from "i l♥ve you too" could do wonders.

It seems like I've been learning new things everyday. (:
oh & don't get misled by what I said in the above,
I'm not trying to say you have to have your other half to be happy!
I'm just saying if you do,
its a big bonus in life. =D
If you're already contented with your life,
good! cause half the universe also want what you have too!

I went to my centre today for a make-up session!
& today,
I look at my children in a different light! LOL!
i think Ernest and Kelis would make great boyfriends when they grow up!
& ernest would probably get away with his on-purpose-shy smile to get away with his silly mistakes!
& Kelis would get away with anything and everything!
his smile is too much for me.
i wish I was younger ): or i wish he was older!
Pedophile in action! LOL.
I wish they were my little brothers to spoil! xD ♥ ♥

After which, I went out (:
I thought I wouldnt! but so many presents to get!
but then, guess what? i ended up eating ice cream and eating fooooood!
& best!
I came home empty-handed! LOL!
I just couldnt find perfect presents ):
but I'll be wrapping presents for my mummy!
& preparing food and everything!
honestly, I lovvvvve doing such things!

hey friends, is my l♥ve enough as your xmas presents?
just a question. LOL.
I asked myself that too... & i figured.. I can live with it (:
but because I cannot do it in words,
& I love seeing happiness spread across their face when I got them something,
I figure i'm still a gift giving person!
but its just MY opinion for now, I'll probably change as time goes?
& everyone is entitled to their own opinion too!

& i thought I would be too busy for blogging,
but i realise its something I can't live without!
so heehee, a blog post (sometimes more than one) every day for my lovely online diary which never fails me!
(it does fail me cause blogger is always having BFs, but look pass that, & its the best thing that happen to me =DDD)

& I want to thank my friends ( you should know who you all are) for being part of my private or public life.
I guess some/most moments don't need to be written down,
moments don't need to be clicking away (camera),
but if we do, its all a bonus. =D its a good thing!
I guess everyone interpret that just cause I blog everyday, its my entire life. LOL!
I wanted to make it clear,
cause people asked and realise I don't pen down a lot of things
well, some things are better left unspoken! (=

facebook, blogger, friendster, livejournal... are just part of me,
there's so much things to share and show,
but nah. the internet is dangerous. (=
not saying its a bad thing for people who do it,
i think its pretty awesome too! its your way of your life. (:

here's something for you all to see (=
i think its uberly cute,
i used to like pokemon a lot! (=
oh wells. heehee!

monsters live inside ordinary people and sometimes, they win.

2009-12-22T16:16:00.004+08:00

me need some candy kisses! ♥

is this bad news? :X
i just found out I have assignments to pass up next week. wow.
& I was planning to start everything next week. LOL!
but for some reasons, I'm still slacking. (o.o)
is this why everyone was so stressed out?!
i feel so left out! HAHAHA.

anyway god told me to share love today.
& I don't know how to start!
so first off, I shall tell you guys who are so sweeeeet to read my blog that I LOVE YOU! (:
& I'm gonna hug everyone I see today! (:
Free Hugs people! LOL!
oh, & virtual hugs to you & everyone who talks to me on msn! -SQUISHSQUISH-

im gonna burst soon!
I really WANT TO DO SOMETHING TO MY HAIR.
but im afraid it would be TOO over...
& since my field supervisor is gonna be the same...
I DECIDED to do it after music & movement lesson plans!
BUT OMG. ITS KILLING ME!

haha! oh wells. which means,
i have NO NEW HAIR for XMAS! & NEW YEAR ))=
BOOHOO!
it'll probably be ready by chinese new year?
heehee. i say like im baking my hair (o.o)

anyways, im very surprised at myself.
I've been home the entire day doing... I HAVE NO IDEA!
& in a blink of an eye, its 4.30pm already!

I know its a long post again.
but i love blogging!
& im home the entire day!
so it gives me enough reason to be blogging all day!!

DREAMS ARE PRETTY SCARY!

2009-12-22T10:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes, I just wish you were a little closer. ♥
(so that I can call you out anytime just to say I miss you)

a person have to experience a near death accident to realise that life is more then just living it the way they are now.

Its tuesday!
& for now, i have nothing planned out today!
hahaha. A day from me to rest after these few days!

I had a really weird and should I say sad (yes, sad cause anything other than that word would be an overstatement) dream.
It was like...

I'm in a class called 4.8 (which is my sec school class),
but with NP friends, IJ friends in a class, & of course some random people I don't even know who!
& yupp. we were in a combined class with whats-their-name people.

At first we were in a class room which i arrived late with (she should not be named) girl.
& then I started feeling really awkward in class (& i hated that feeling.)
because of this (she shall not be named too) girl.
she was like staring and making comments and just being a typical...mean person!
& i dont know where my other friends were. (i dont know why too!)

afterwhich, we had to change class (o.o),
i don't even know why...
so I made my way with (she should not be named) to the other class...
& for some reason...
I woke up in the middle of the corridor! (absolutely weird!)
I started to panic & looking through windows trying to find the right class.

then I made my way in...
but no one from 4.8 was there.
after like torturing ticking of the clock,
& unfortunate events on my part,
4.8 finally came to class but they said they just came back from a wedding!
Indian wedding for some reasons.

& I started literally running to 4.8,
cause i was feeling so shit about being in the class without them.
i forgot who I talked to first,
but when I shifted to A! I started crying so badly ):
& then I got comfort from A!, ness & jing! LOL.
omg. What a dream. ):

I was feeling puzzled and upset over ( she should not be named ) girl,
because I thought I came to the second class with her,
but i ended up sleeping at the corridor!
did she not wake me up? ): I was like totally hurt!
& (she should not be named girl) was just being haughty and mean.
argh. horrible dream.

& (she should not be name) & (she should not be named too) names were left out cause it isnt so nice bringing it up.
so yeah. just know there was two mean people! (z.z)
& i don't think they wanted to be mean? I MEAN ITS A DAMN DREAM.
LOL! & thats the end of it.

p.s I don't know why i remember so much about it.
but there's no reason why i would wanna LIE about this dream.
so to clarify, IM NOT LYING.
its just a dream anyways. & thank god I remember...
or it's gonna happen in real life (=
( im actually writing this out for this one person who would be mean and think im lying about it.
well, go eff yourself, if you have so much time coming to read (what you call me?) MY BLOG, then omg, gth.) (( I don't know why I'm so fired up about this. LOL. I just woke up, so its probably cause im just bitch fitting (: ))

okay, actually im happy luh.
and because of the aboved "....near death experience...",
i really want to try changing myself.
but it's gonna take a hell lot of work,
& i cant help it if my ENVIRONMENT doesnt help me!
if you get my drift. -.-

im probably overwhelmed by this dream,
& everything thats been going on these few days,
im utterly drained & famished now!
there's probably no pictures for today...
cause im not getting out of the house,
but if I do! then await for them!

i have a few pictures from ytd!
so i posted them already in the pictures post. (:

p.s.s this is a mega huge long post. sorry! hahaha!

checking inside and out.

2009-12-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

& its enough. ♥

& its cold and freezing out in Singapore for some reasons.
The only thing lacking is what i wished most: snow.
or maybe I'm just more prone to feeling chilly!

& yesh i know there are a hell lot of assignments awaiting me.
but i just want to enjoy at least these two weeks. (:
I promise I would start on the third week!
which means I have fourteen days to rush out everything!
its xmas soon! its a day of giving, celebrating and thanking!
so everyone! get ready for it too! & don't stress yourself!
its a joyous occasion! =DDD

I think I'm gonna squeeze time to blog & blog even though I know im running out of time.
I'm trying not to have late nights though!
cause I want to take my eye bags away if its even possible! xD

got out of the house at 10.
another fulfilling day for me!
pictures would be up in the pictures post (=
but because I was dozing off half the time and being hungry half the time,
& stoning half the time, & playing half the time...pictures are like (x.x)
forgive me. (:

there might be no pictures for the next of whole week though /:
i hardly keep track of pictures when im busy x.x
lol! but i'll try my very very very very best to at least take one!! =D
at least a picture of the place I went to. LOL.

today was pretty hilarious,
thats the problem with no GPS,
& pasir ris and tampines being so confusing,
the car just revolve around the same circle again and again. o.o
I was so giddy,
I almost puke! LOL!
spent the entire day at that area!

nothing much other than havocing at BIGBIG giant & BIGBIG ikea,
& I have no idea what else we did.
scouting the place. its confusing.
didn't go to the dog farm like I wanted to.
but its alright (=

p.s the post earlier this morning was meant for ytd. (:
so I changed the date! so its not misleading for me & you!
~~p.s.s & i updated my xmas list. keke!~~

me need some sleep nowww!
so ciao my lovelies!

circling in circles.

2009-12-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

& I can continue to keep it up.♥

i'm really super duper tired.
but I have pictures!
but as I said, pictures will come in one entire post, so await!
the pictures are all backdated since the last day of cayc! (:
I don't know if i'll have time to blog after tmr xD
but i swear I would! cause eveyone knows how addicted I am in this place!

im thinking if I should have a twitter account!!
then I can pen down my thoughts like nobody's business!
oh wells, convince me? or don't convince me. HAHA.

& anoher thing I found out was that my hair is disgusting. lol!
i can't even take pictures properly!
it have outgrown the style! argh! bad bad! its bad!
im still debating if i should color it before christmas or after my music & movement implementation xD
tell me! =DD

& what else... I need clothes, so i need some major shopping!
any shopping kaki?! HAHA.
oh wait! i'm suppose to save money cause i made a pact to go KL during feb!
heehee! OKAYOKAY.
....
....
okay you know what,
I NEED CLOTHES NOW! LOL.
so yesh, im so on my shopping spreee!

maybe love could be like that too.

2009-12-19T16:06:00.008+08:00

hopefully this xmas, bernice would have good news! heehee.
I wish i do! really.... (=

Im offering free hugs! LOL!
VIRTUALLY!
cause me ish cold! & i think you are too! (:
its been raining for about 3 hours, & my aircon is blasting since forever. xD
I need some hot chocolate even though i'm not a big fan of it.
& maybe marshmallows to go with it!

~~[mummy made me ice milo xD]~~

oh & before I forget!
everyone say hello to mike!
heehee!♥

Y.O.U

2009-12-18T16:38:00.002+08:00

this is soooooooooooooooo damn true. (:

here's a post dedicated to you.
& I wonder if you know its you.
if you're asking yourself "is it me?"
then maybe yes, you're the one im talking about.

start the engine, bbs!

2009-12-17T08:05:00.003+08:00

in this rainy morning,
my hands are ice cold,
my body is freezing up.
oh gosh, how i wish i could sleep.
but damn implementation..
good luck to everyone who is having it today too! (:
jia you jia you!

oh baby, it could only be you...

i dont want to talk about implementation. so just...go away.
but i'll answer the question.
yes, my implementation was okay. (:
not that I'm pissed or anything,
im just so freaking happy its over and do not wish to talk about it anymore.
thanks. (:

i want to talk about nothing in particular.
I just want to say im really happy!
because of many many many things.
significant, or not. im happy everything happened.
i love this "break". even though im still packed with assignments and projects.
i feel soooooo gooood!
& i hope all of you feel the same! (=

i feel like twirling around with the rain falling on my face =D
sorry for wordy posts.
my pictures will come under one entire post. (:
so await for it. until the week is done!

im into doing nothing in particular.
its gonna be a hectic "break"!
so i dont know if i have time to blog properly!
esp after this week!
i bet you're all gonna be really busy too!
so yay to that everyone!
lets enjoy life! =DD
ciaooooooo!

I want you to know, i love you.

2009-12-14T19:00:00.001+08:00

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHIMIN!

but i bet she wont read this. LOL!

awwwieee~! this was too cute to not post it up! =DD
see, the desperation why I need animals in my life!
they make so god damn happy and they can't talk!
so its all good! (= HAHAHAH.

this is oh so adorable too!
heehee. I have someone to thank!
I have been really really really really happy! (=
& the green tea frappe!
& the FATFATFATFAT shaker fries! xDD
ooooooo!
I swear everyone's really happy too!

maybe you, you and many more yous were right.
I just needed a break.
thats all.

-------

Saturday!!!

im loving it!~

TREEHOUSE!
something I always wanted!

heehee! beautiful aint it!
Xing fen wanted to her name but there were not enough letters.
she want to do BBT, but not enough letters.
she wanted to do Lollipop, but not enough letters!
aint i lucky! xDDD

shapes and colors make me really happy!

hi, my tornado and macho man! love.

ripples! & a picture to mark the end of it!

A visit to the Singapore Science Centre! (=

----------------

MONDAY!!

Sijia & Lisa came over to do e-learning! (:
& a great big thank you to LISA!
she helped me clear my room and everything.
FOR NOW....
its really clean and good! (:

today's monday! a new week, a new day!
i cant wait for thursday to be over!
then it means....
IMPLEMENTATION IS OVER!
but this "holiday" is still gonna suck big time cause i have ALOT of assignments lining up ):
PD's 16 reflections.
FP evaluation.
FP workbook.
PD's rationale. (650 x2)
CD's checklist.

--------------

I wish to keep this smile of mine going.
i might not have a boy band to keep up like onew does.
but i know he always tries his best to have that smile no matter what.
so im gonna try too.
always and forever.
even though its a time too long to be measured,
i know its gonna be worth it. (:

dedicated to you. and only you!

2009-12-14T18:55:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED ONEW LEE JINKI OPPA!!!~

& now he's shy xD

but he also wants to say thank you! with a little key on top!

& that he is actually really happy that I actually remembered!

but it doesnt deny the fact that I couldnt be there to celebrate it with him!
& he's upset about it! LOLOLOL!

but onew oppa! do i like it one bit?

yupp i dont ):
so don't be upset alright?

& always keep this charming smile!
to the world, it may be nothing,
but to me, it means the world!

I love you.

fighting!

2009-12-12T22:06:00.004+08:00

probably the only thing which makes me melt & feels so good at the same time.
im so glad they're performing this song.
reminds me of jojo. (:
enjoy their performance.
im so glad to at least see you five performing.
shinee fighting.

im happy today. really happy.
i have alot of pictures to upload too.
cause of "last day of school", visit to science centre, & play implementation. xD
so await the long long post filled with pictures and more and mroe words!
i shall ciao now.
me lazy to type. hahaha. (:

crazy madly in love

2009-12-10T21:46:00.002+08:00

but baby, i wont make the first move if you dont.

yeshyeshyesh! Today's implementation day. (:
as usual SJ passed with flying colours ):
HAHAHA. but i guess mine wasnt as bad as i thought it would be!
I would have more pictures to put up once dear SJ send them to me (:
& good luck for your cayc video!
I know it'll be really good! (: all your efforts! yayayay!

was debating for a long while and decided to take the bus with her to potong pasir!
thank god I did, cause xy was late!
& i could have waited really long!~ xD

im tired today. super duper.
but i feel happy. its good.
i wish for more days like that.
the only thing which makes me cry is that I have to wake really early tmr!
oh wells. jiayoujiayou!

ate ben & jerry's ice cream today! (:
just got home, & home feels so goooooood!

i have so much to say but im lazy!
& as usual, since its public i cant type much ):
oh wells! hahaha.
but i have no more pictures to post up so yeah!

so everyone!
hope you have a great day!
if you didnt... ermerm. ring me up!
I'll laugh for you! laughter is contagious! xD
or just text me, im good at text jokes.

see, this is how retard i have become.
so maybe being a drunken wannabe isnt so bad afterall!
LOL. peace out!
love!

jitterbuggies!

2009-12-09T11:03:00.002+08:00

made a college of it =DD
heehee.

so i was psycho by Sijia & Xinyun to pon school today.
I can't believe it man!
woke up at 8.30am today. I was ready to rush and arrive school at 9.30.
but then Sijia called & when she came over to my house,
two forces into one,
they didnt want to go school!

cause sijia realise we'll probably go to school for two hours only.
oh gosh oh gosh. sighhs.
I cant believe it man!
so now, we just came back from breakfast at macs.
im so full i feel like puking ):

& sitting in my room, im fretting over my trial implementation later ):
this is HORRIBLE. rawr rawr.
okay, i got to go. =D
peace out homies!

fly like an angel; soar like an eagle.

2009-12-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

ahhh!~ im in love! shhhh!
& today was hella fun (:
& i bring good news!
LWF IS SO NICE!! =DDD

im so exhausted today ):
& tmr's gonna be worst!
oh wells. im gonna be late for PLAY tmr.
I have no more motivation to attend classes for LC.

& then trial implementation after that! o.o
scaryyyyyy!~
then the exact thing the next day.
omo! aish! ottoke! ahhh!~
people! pray for me! =DDD

ahhhh! make mickey&minnie cupcakes for me?
heehee. this is so adorable!
i couldnt resist! ah! im loving it!

im really happy today! =D
& i dont even know why!

yay to sm for staying back with me.
LOL. & ahem ahem.
oh wells, 开心就好！（：
& don't get sick! LOL.
yayayayayay!~

yoyoyo!~
stayed back in school today!
loving my group members!
heehee!

2009-12-08T09:03:00.002+08:00

im scared of today.
i pray to god that he'll let it pass. ):
please, i cant afford to go through it.

i'll be back to edit with good news or bad news ):

its become a habit, a habit you can't change.

2009-12-07T10:17:00.004+08:00

heehee. (: ain't this adorable!
yesh, im talking about you, really.
stop making me go googoogaga! =DD

this picture is super duper backdated.
when my group and me went to SCD (:

check this out! aint it adorable too?
heehee.
i think onew & taemin look weird here though! hahaa.
aish, keep me smiling please! xD

i have been so busy these few weeks,
i haven even got time to update myself on ANYTHING.
d!, im gonna rely on you when holiday starts. xD
i miss my babyonew so bad ):

heehee. yeshyesh.
all i want for xmas is these! (=

-----

distractions, im suppose to be studying for my CD test for later,
but im too tired and lethargic.
forgive me. (:

staying back in school later,
somehow being busy makes me happy.
oh wells,
somehow i hate it yet love it at the same time.
i just wish i could sleep all day!

me gonna go back to sleep now xD
see yall! (:

i fly like a bird who soars.

2009-12-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

so here i am taking the risk.
the risk of risking it all again.
I know its not a good decision,
& i don't know what the future holds,
but i'll continue to plaster a smile. (:

Saturday:
Went to Vinlee's house and did the video project!
thanks to Xavier! [ vinlee's brother ]
we got someone to video for us and act as one of the "actor''!
& we even used her daddy! =D

& sorry to XF!
i seem to be really alte everytime i meet her ):
thank you for your patience and generosity! LOL.
I promise i'll be early the next time!

& for my group members!
so sorry I had to be home early! ):
or i would have join in for everything else! hahaha!
im so sorry. i feel so guilty!
love you guys! =D

sunday.
im too lazy to talk about today.
imma go bother myself with stuff!
byebye. (:

i'll come back to edit.

as usual.
im still too lazy to update. so yeah. (:
everyone have a good night sleep.
well i try to forget about the upcoming test tmr!

2009-12-05T10:12:00.005+08:00

what I didnt mention ytd was because my sister have been so free nowadays,
she's been annoying me. ._.
its a good and bad thing I suppose,
but we talked last night.
& i realise how much i honestly look up to my sister.
i wish so badly I could just be like her.

I think what she says its true,
I get too dependent on people too easily.
& i take trust lightly,
& i treat almost everyone as someone I can talk to without thinking of consequences.
& i can't control my mouth into spilling everything I feel.
its a bad thing. really bad.
& its gonna take a long time for me to change this part of me.

& she told me to reflect on myself too.
I did. & like always i'm not fully right.
& I want to change for the better,
I want to be able to watch my words more carefully,
I want to depend on no one but myself.

nobody beats having family like that,
we may be busy and hate each other to the core at times,
but its the blood which we can't deny.
its the love that friends can never surpass,
not even in a million lifetime.
if anything happens,
your family's gonna back you up,
gonna protect you,
gonna save you.
something your friends can never promise for a lifetime.

but i guess its my environment,
that everyone's so busy that I just rely on my friends all the time,
I feel like they are the world to me.
sighs, its time to change this thinking,
its obviously not getting me anywhere.

because i want to start anew.
with my life, and my purpose.
i just want to see a rainbow and suck a lollipop now. (:

and to all my friends,
i wish you all give me a second chance and let us start anew too.
i honestly love you guys,
& hope the better for the both of us.

真的会想念你。。。

2009-12-04T21:34:00.002+08:00

the blurriness matches the feelings i feel inside of me.

here's dedicated for you.

Thank you for being a friend to me.
& making me so happy.
& making me so comfortable.
& being there whenever i need you.

I know one thing for sure,
i'll never find another you anywhere else.
these short period of time I've been with you been really great.
& im so glad I was given the time to.

even though you wont be here to support me,
although I wont ever have you physically with me to go through everything,
although I know nothing can change your mind,
although I don't know what the future holds,
Im glad I knew you.

We may have unhappiness btw us at times,
but you are one friend that I never had to have conflicts pass a day.
& you are straightforward to me,
& I can't thank you enough.

for always tolerating me,
giving in to me,
listening to me,
always having the same sentiments as me.
it always being a smile to me.

im gonna miss you so bad.
my one and only sm,
i wish you all the best.
& these never ending tears,
& these continuous salty taste,
will always remind me
我曾经有你这么一个很好很好很好的朋友。

是我的损失，
没勇气跟你走，
对不起。
希望你永远快乐。

我们要努力微笑，
让对方知道彼此都没有做错决定。
爱你。